What’s it going to take to get you to donate to this year’s Make Room for Kids effort to bring distractions and gaming to the patients and families at The Children’s Home and Lemieux Family Center?
Do you need to see a cat that will haunt your nightmares until the day you die?
We got that!
Do you need to see a baby monkey riding backwards on a little pig?
We got that!
Mayor Straight G. Lukey Cube with a giant light bulb?
My minister father wearing a construction hat and doing the YMCA dance at my sister’s wedding? GOT THAT.
He really partied hard every time he managed to marry one of us five girls off to unsuspecting men who were in for a lifetime of whatever it is my sisters and I dish out on a daily basis.
Me as a teenaged cheerleader for the local church group?
Let me explain what’s going on here. Insanity is going on here.
This is a very dangerous, utterly precarious, bold church cheerleading pyramid that could falter and tumble to the ground at any moment, injuring all of us and possibly displacing our carefully Aqua-netted mall bangs. I can’t believe that we’re not breaking any rules on what is allowable at sanctioned church cheerleading events. I mean, WHERE ARE THE SPOTTERS?! I am in there, straining under half of the enormous burden of the 65-pound Pens Fan. My glasses are askew. My hair drooping. My sparkle spirit flagging. This pyramid’s difficulty … its complexity … is only rivaled by this one’s:
As you can see, this pyramid is in such danger of falling at any moment that two strategically-placed cheerleaders must prop it up like two-by-fours holding up a rickety porch in the backwoods of West By God Virginia.
Without those feet holding my butt up, I would surely drop the third of Princess Aurora’s 65 pounds I’m holding up.
I still remember some of the cheers we cheered.
“S-P-I-R-I-T! What’s that spell?! SPIRIT!” And not the Holy Spirit. Just spirit. We wanted our team to have SPIRIT. Gasp! Or maybe we WERE cheering about the Holy Spirit and they weren’t telling us. Sneaky. I hope the Holy Spirit appreciated our cheering.
“Be! Aggressive! B-E agressive! B-E-A-G-G-R-E-S-S-I-V-E!” which was our most violent church spelling cheer.
Surprisingly, we didn’t have one single cheer that went like this … “GoooooOOOOOOO, JESUS!”
What’s it going to take to get you to click the donate button? Tell me and I’ll do it. We’re almost halfway there in 24 hours, and if we all do our part, donate a bit, spread the word, we’ll reach our goal faster than you can spell dork.
“D-O-R-K! What’s that spell?! DORK! Who’s a dork?! GINNY! When’s she a dork?! ALWAYS!”