1. I open my arms to Mother Nature, and this her last snow of the winter.
If however this is not her last snow of the winter, I open my hand to Mother Nature and I bitch slap her back to 2003.
I waited for the knife to puncture my back, but it never did. The man who for years was the target of my virtual finger wag … was hugging me … like he meant it. As we separated from the hug, I glanced around for flying pigs, but just saw my daughter circling around and around in her flying elephant. Had that ride featured soaring pigs instead of elephants, this story would be a million times more awesome.
He was there just being a dad, watching his son ride the turtles while I watched my daughter. Pretty sure it would have been a sign of The End Times if they had ended up in the same turtle.
What that day at Kennywood did was humanize him. For all of his shortcomings, he was a man. A father. A dad. DAMN IT.
We’re no longer going to be in the dark about how many fat grams, carbs, calories and cholesterol units are in each menu item. It’s easier to order a Kielbasa Egg and Cheese when you can fool yourself into believing you’re not consuming a two-month supply of Weight Watchers Points in one sitting. A national chain will need to publish the nutritional facts, and you and I are going to be faced with the artery-hardening truth.
Again, there is no counterpoint. No good can come from knowing. Either we take the “La-la-la-la, I can’t hear you!” route, or we start running ultra-marathons in the thousand-degree Australian outback to work off caloric content in the quadruple digits. I’m pretty sure you can guess which route I’ll be taking. *plops down on the couch*
4. From my former butler Woy’s Instagram:
As Woy said, “Best SOON horse ever.”
This is the SOON Horse if you don’t know your memes.
And these are my SOON pigeons who will soon be pecking out your eyeballs … SOON.
5. New Roberto Clemente documentary is coming soon. I never noticed the cloud wings behind him in that photo! Just wow.
Can’t say this enough. All I want more than anything is for someone to stumble upon a few hours of footage of Clemente throwing to home and third from right field.
6. Friday, March 8, local company cellhelmet will be featured on Shark Tank!
Remind me to check with these guys and find out why they don’t capitalize the C in their name.
7. Grammar Anarchists would be a kickass band name. I mean grammar anarchists would be a kickass band name. Or even gramMar aNARchiSts. “Stick it to The AP style mAn” would be their first single.
8. The correct pronunciation of Simon Despres is revealed and Yinzers everywhere are all, “You mean it’s NOT ‘Sigh-man Dess-press?!'”
9. Benkovitz Seafoods closed down in the midst of Lent and Bram has the tweet of the week about it:
@janepitt If you see massive Highlander lightening in the sky tonight, that’s Wholey’s becoming a fishgod.
— Bram Reichbaum (@Bram_R) March 6, 2013
THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE.
[awkward kung fu moves]
Also, that’s one of the new Pittsburgh blogs I’m reading. Love her style choices.
11. And this is the other … PGHBOX.com.
I am pretty much freaking out over this blog.
If you love Pittsburgh houses, this is basically porn. Take a note, @mrswoy.
PGHBOX is a place where you’ll see great Pittsburgh homes – new, rehabs, rented apartments, and old houses that have stood the test of time. The plan is to show at least one space every two weeks. This isn’t a design snob blog (although I spend a lot of time on those and probably couldn’t live without them), but a place to see real Pittsburghers who live in great spaces that work for them and just work.
And this Northside Door Tour.
Like I said. House porn. Look at this:
Just, SQUEEEEE! to all that.
P.S. Squeee To All That would be a kickass tween girl band name.