OVERHEAD cables touched under the weight of perched pigeons causing an explosion which sent them hurtling to their death in a giant fireball and set fire to the ditch below.
Do I start with the fact that I found that sentence more arousing than anything Ryan Gosling ever Hey Girl-ed to me?
Mr Laverick, of Benwick Road, Ramsey Forty Foot, said: “Sparks went everywhere, some pigeons were incinerated, others dropped into the ditch and the fire raged.”
Do I start with the fact that this is an efficient new way to kill pigeons that I never considered until now? Baiting the higher of two live wires (carefully) with week-old vomited french fries and letting electricity do the job of killing many birds with one glorious kablooey?
Do I start with the fact that, as the reader who tweeted me the link (can’t find his name) said, Pigeon Fireball is a FANTASTIC band name? They could totally open for the Suspicious Packages.
The top wire was sinking lower and lower because of the weight of the pigeons but still more came, until unlucky pigeon 615 landed, the wires touched and there was a massive explosion.
Do I start with the fact that this story easily allows us to replace the tired “straw that broke the camel’s back” idiom with “the obese pigeon that made two live wires touch?” In case you were wondering, they counted, and the answer is 614 … 614 is how many pigeons can safely rest on a wire. 615 pigeons is when the bough breaks and the cradle falls in a ball of pigeon flambe.
Do I start with the fact that Pigeon Flambe is also a pretty decent band name? They could open for Violent Rhino Sex (tm Pittsburgh Zoo).
I don’t know where to start.
So I’ll just end with this: