Two stories, an appeal, and a pizza place.

Without the pizza place.

1. Story

Yesterday I took my kids to the Science Center and then on to Las Velas for dinner. While sitting near the windows above Market Square, my six-year-old daughter looked down to the sidewalk below and saw two pigeons pecking at probable puke.

Me: “Look at those pigeons! They’re fat as cats!”

Her: “Mom. [folds her hands in the begging gesture] Can I PLEEEEEEEZE have a pet pigeon? Please? [doe eyes]”

Satan in Hell: [falls down laughing]

For weeks now, every time she sees a pigeon, my daughter insists she’d like one for a pet. A pigeon.

I say “kick it!” and she hears “love it!”

She yearns for a pet parrot, but I’ve told her no in the most honest way I could … “No. They poop, they’re loud, and they live forever.”

That’s right. I don’t permit non-canine pets in my house that I’ll still have to take care of after my children go to college. This is why I said no to the bearded dragon. Because with my luck, it would be as big as a baby alligator the day I sent my boy off to school. I’m hopeful Dennis the tarantula’s funeral will happen sometime before 2021.

Also, have you ever seen a tarantula’s molt?


Now you have. You’re so very welcome.

Since I’ve told her she can’t have a parrot, she thinks a pigeon is the next best thing. That’s like thinking, “Well, if I can’t have a steak, I’ll have tuberculosis.”

I think I’ve come up with a way to put the whole matter to rest. I told her she can have a pet pigeon if she can catch one.

This oughta be good.

2. Story

Also yesterday at Las Velas, my son and I were talking about Minecraft because that’s what ten-year-old boys like to talk about. He was explaining to me a problem he was having, but that he found a forum that helped him solve it.

Him: “And some guy I know commented on that forum too. Guess who it was!”

Me: “Who?”

Him: “Psy!”

Me: [spews margarita all over the place]

Guess I should have that “not everything on the Internet is true” talk with him.

3. An appeal  Virginia Montanez  MR4K Wish List

The Make Room for Kids Amazon wish list is up! You’ll notice this list is heavy in DVD movies and that’s because The Children’s Home doesn’t have many at all. In fact, most of their movies are on VHS. Titles start at less than $5.

Also on the list, you’ll see we’re asking for donations of XBOX Live points, as this is how we’ll be purchasing the games for The Children’s Home, rather than using physical disk copies. We’d appreciate if you could help us out with that.

And finally, you’ll see a few actual hard copies of XBOX games on the list. Those are games requested by the kids at Children’s Hospital of Pittsburgh who are patients in the units we’ve outfitted in years past. It’s important that we maintain an updated supply of games to keep the kids there occupied. The extra controllers are for Children’s Hospital too.

Shipping defaults to go directly to The Lemieux Foundation.

If you haven’t chipped in yet — maybe PayPal isn’t your thing — this is a great way to do it. Takes just a few minutes of your time and scores you major good karma points. Plus, Mario will walk into the office, see all the piles of boxes of stuff you donated and he’ll be all [THUMBS UP!].

FOR OUR SICK KIDS, you guys!

If you donate, I promise to never post another picture of a tarantula molt again.


  1. Sarah
    March 18, 2013 12:48 pm

    MR4K donation done! Cars!

  2. Amy
    March 18, 2013 12:54 pm

    Okay, so, two things:

    First, my boyfriend has been using the “if you can catch it, you can keep it” line on me for years. Usually when we’re out and about and we see an adorable puppy/dog walking with its owner. So now when I see a cute one, I just look at him and say “you know, I bet I could catch that one.”

    Second, and more terrifying: I work in international shipping. One of my customers imports pigeon supplies. For people who keep pigeons as pets. Who raise them and love them and squeeze them and name them George. They ship all sorts of things, like medicine! And toys! And treats! For pigeons! The idea horrifies me. And it’s only appropriate that this customer makes me more stabby than all of my other customers combined.

  3. Dash66
    March 18, 2013 1:29 pm

    All I have to say about “If you catch it, you can keep it” is be VERY careful. I’d be willing to bet that your kid is on the internet as we speak looking up how to catch a pigeon!

  4. Julia
    March 18, 2013 1:37 pm

    I ordered 2 DVDs. Hope the kids enjoy them!

  5. bluzdude
    March 18, 2013 1:38 pm

    City pigeons would be a breeze to catch… all you’d need is a small net. Keep your kids net-free, and you’ll be fine.

  6. Magus Patris
    March 18, 2013 3:35 pm

    MR4K; XBox points ordered.

    I can’t imagine Psy playing Minecraft. I’m just glad my boys like playing it better than “Halo” or “Call of Duty”. Also, did you know who can get a Sidney Crosby skin for Minecraft? There’s something fulkfilling about watching Sid hack away at Zombies. Now if I could only find a Flyers skin forthe Zombies.

  7. jann
    March 19, 2013 12:16 pm

    No pizza?

    • Monty
      March 20, 2013 1:23 pm

      The first two rules about the pizza place are that you do NOT talk about the pizza place.