This marks the SIXTH time in my blogging “career” that I’ve had to write a post entitled “Oh, Lukey.”
1. The first happened in 2007 when it was revealed that Lukey, or “myself and other individuals,” were kind of sort of arrested at PNC Park in 2005.
2. The second happened in 2007 when Lukey apparently hired Maya Angelou to write his budget address.
3. The third was in 2008 when Lukey was asked about Martin Luther King Jr. and he went all PoliticoBot 2000.
4. The fourth quite possibly hinted at early tension in the Ravenstahl marriage, now that I’m looking back on it.
5. And the last and fifth time I did it, it was when Lukey publicly stated that he didn’t know who should pay for him(self) (hee!) to attend the Stanley Cup game in Detroit, to which I responded:
If you would just hire PittGirl to be your Chief of That’s Church you would never have the entire city pointing at you and laughing at your inability to know the correct answer to this question.
No, instead, you would have walked into my plush corner office (corner table at Dunkin Donuts) and asked ME that question and I would have said, “Lukey, do what every person on the face of the earth knows to do. USE YOUR OWN DAMN MONEY!!!”
And as he was walking away from me, disappointed in my answer, I’d be calling after him, “That’s church, baby! Don’t be a hater!”
And here we are today in 2013, in this my 3,601st post on my blog and I’m using it to say … “Oh, Lukey!”
In a nutshell, Saleem Ghubril has apparently been moved to the top of Luke Ravenstahl’s “Lame Duck Shit List” because he has turned on Saleem in epically public fashion.
Saleem is the head of the Pittsburgh Promise, if you don’t know. And if you don’t know that …
So when Saleem wrote a letter to the editor, like Freddie Fu did (DON’T GET ME STARTED ON THAT BULLSHIT), Luke or someone using his official Facebook page commented to say this:
“Keep in mind as you read this … UPMC basically pays his salary! By the way … What is your salary Saleem?”
Well, I can tell you that. In 2011, it was $161,000 in total compensation. Boom! goes the Form 990.
Lukey’s valid point is that of course Saleem is going to come to UPMC’s defense in the case of Lukey v. UPMC. His job depends on it kind of.
But Lukey wasn’t done:
By the way Saleem…. Your a director (first and foremost) of an organization that would not exist without the vision and fortitude of Mark Roosevelt and myself. Just to remind u. Funny how quickly folks forget.
Well, he just said “Mark Roosevelt and myself” and removed all doubt as to whether or not this is Lukey. OF COURSE IT’S LUKEY. Who the hell else do you know uses the word “myself” so liberally?
Do I love it that Lukey seriously, honestly, 100% does not have a single f–k left to give? YES! I DO! I LOVE IT LIKE NUTELLA! I WANT TO HUG HIS INABILITY TO GIVE A RAT’S ASS ANYMORE!
Do I think this was probably not the most professional way to call out Saleem? Oh, hell yes.
If Lukey had come to me in my Office of That’s Church in Dunkin’ Donuts, this is what would have happened:
Lukey: “Your Highness of Churchitude, I’m thinking of using Facebook to stick it to Saleem Gubril. Good idea or bad? Say ‘good.'”
Me: “First, is my city debit card linked to the Nate Harper fiasco? Because if so, I’d like you to take it, puke on it, and feed it to a pigeon because I have put a SHIT TON of cappuccinos on this thing.
Second, I advise against this. You may have valid points, but going about it in this manner will seem childish and very high school-y in an OMG-CINDY-SPARKLES-HAD-THE-NERVE-TO-TEXT-MY-BOYFRIEND- SO-NOW-I’M-GOING-TO-START-A-CINDY-SPARKLES-IS-A-HUGE-WHORE-FACEBOOK-GROUP kind of way. My advice? Have someone with decent writing skillz (ahem, ahem) compose a letter to the editor or an op-ed piece for you in which you lay out the arguments as to why Saleem likely has ulterior motives and why you feel you can lay claim to starting the Promise, and why you feel going after UPMC is the right thing for Pittsburgh. And Lukey, if we’re being honest, the Promise is more Roosevelt’s than yours anyways. I know you don’t want to hear that, but this IS the Office of That’s Church.”
Lukey: “Ugh. FINE! I’m leaving. And no, your card is not tied to the Nate Harper account. [crosses fingers behind back]”
Lukey: [starts to walk away]
Me: “Oh, and Lukey?”
Lukey: [turns] “Yeah?”
Me: “FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, IF YOU DO DECIDE TO DO THIS VIA FACEBOOK, DO NOT USE ‘U’ WHEN YOU MEAN ‘YOU,’ BRITNEY SPEARS. AND USE THE EFFING CORRECT FORM OF ‘YOUR!'”
Lukey: [storms away]
Me: “That’s church, baby! Don’t be a hater!”
(h/t @thebitchdesk on Twitter)