Monthly Archives: June 2013

Our next mayor? No.


Pittsburgh’s Republican mayoral candidate (yes, that’s a real thing) Josh Wander seems to be in the news for one thing and one thing only lately, complaining that people are acting like Bill Peduto is the next mayor despite the fact that there’s still the general election to take place in November.

Now, Josh Wander won the Republican nomination because he ran unopposed and I feel pretty comfortable thanks to this second marjarita, which is how drunj people spell marjarita, in saying that if Josh Wander wins the mayoral election in November, I will get a face tattoo that says “I love pigeons” and then I’ll get another that says, “I love Luke Ravenstahl.”

Perhaps if Mr. Wander spent more time telling us what he stands for other than “going to work every day” and “giving a voice back to the people” we might take him seriously, as we did Mark Desantis a few years back. (You guys, I really thought Desantis had a chance and I wasn’t high or anything.)

In addition to being Republican, Josh Wander is also a prepper. Not as in restaurant kitchen. But as in zombies. He has prepared his family with great thoroughness for countless doomsday scenarios and he also chose to appear, with his wife and children, in National Geographic’s show “Doomsday Preppers.”

Wander says that show made him out to be nutty when he’s a regular guy who just wants to protect his wife and six children.

“Most of the people who appeared on that show, including myself, do not believe in a Doomsday,” Wander says. “That’s not why we’re prepared. We believe that it’s important to prepare. Emergency preparedness is something I believe very strongly in.”


1. If you don’t believe in a Doomsday, then maybe you shouldn’t choose to appear on a show called … wait for it … DOOMSDAY PREPPERS.

2. Complaining that a reality show called DOOMSDAY PREPPERS made you seem “nutty” is like whining that your appearance on a reality show called “Hot Strangers Stranded Naked on an Island with a Bucket of Condoms” made you seem “slutty.”

3. I don’t know that you should run for GOVERNMENT office when you’ve posted a video in which you state your belief that the GOVERNMENT is deliberately trying to bait “second-amendment lovers” into a catastrophic, gun-related act of violence.

4. I believe in emergency preparedness. But this is just nuts:

YouTube Preview Image

I’m sorry. I like to give people a chance, but you can’t put videos like that on YouTube and then demand we take you seriously as a mayoral candidate of anything other than Woodbury, Georgia.  AND I AM SAYING THIS AS A REPUBLICAN (I’m a VERY moderate Republican, so you don’t have to email me any of your anger. Promise.) We don’t HAVE to take you seriously. We don’t HAVE to give you a chance. We don’t HAVE to listen to you. You have to earn those things from the public.

5.  I have a lot of questions. Like, did he grow his beard out just for that interview video? What can possibly be worse than a zombie apocalypse? And most importantly, what the actual hell are Doomsday Beans?!

6. Second Amendment Lover and the Doomsday Beans?


(h/t @earthsandwich on Twitter)

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The Steelers want more public money. No.

The Pittsburgh Steelers have plans to add 3,000 extra seats to Heinz Field as well as a new scoreboard. This proposed expansion is currently sitting in the judicial system because the Steelers want the public to pay for 2/3 of the $30 million price tag and they claim the lease states that is what should happen.

The Sports and Exhibition Authority is arguing in court that the lease language doesn’t mean what the Steelers think it means, so they should pay for their own expansion and leave the public funds out of it.

Legalese aside, in a nutshell, the Steelers are seeking $22.5 million from the public, and in return they’ll put up a whopping $750,000 of their own money toward the 3,000 new seats.

The proposed agreement would have funded the extra seats through a $1 increase in an existing surcharge on Steelers tickets and a new parking surcharge of $2 to $3 at lots around Heinz Field during home games.

I had a really fun debate on Twitter with 93.7’s Colin Dunlap, an awesome guy and a great writer whose opinion I continue to respect (follow him!), who played the devil’s advocate on this one and I at no point went all YOUR MOTHER on him. It was civil. He was wrong. I was right. The record will show. Also, those of you who claim I block people who disagree with me can kiss my cottage cheese butt.

But let’s go through some of his points and points that others might make in defense of the Steelers and let’s SQUASH THEM LIKE PUNY HUMANS. [awkward kung fu moves]

1. So what? It’s only a dollar here and there. — Not Colin’s argument, but an argument others have made.

This is dangerous thinking. This is the thinking that local, state, and federal governments have historically relied on — that the people will say, “Well, it’s just a few dollars here and there. What’s the big deal?” That’s what they’re counting on … that the masses will figure it’s not worth fighting over a few dollars. Here, rich person, take my dollar and put it with everyone else’s dollar and put it in a pile until that pile is so big you can build a tunnel through it. Have fun rolling around in our money!

That’s dangerous thinking because it sets a precedent for those in power to say, “Instead of digging into our astronomically deep pockets … instead of saving up … instead of cutting out gross waste to fund this thing we want … let’s just go to the people and tell them they have to give us another dollar. They won’t care. It’s a dollar.”

Those “another dollar” dollars add up and will do something much more damaging than put us back a dollar … they will put more power in the hands of the already powerful, leaving we the people with zero power because we’re thinking, “Eh. It’s just a dollar. Here. Have fun making a hundred dollars for yourself off of my one dollar. Do what you will. Let me know when you need another dollar.”

2. But the expansion will bring jobs to those who build it, and for the ushers and vendors who will work those 3,000 extra seats.  — paraphrasing Colin here. 

The public already rewarded them by footing most of the bill for the actual stadium. Besides that, LOTS of local businesses create jobs and their employees make that business MONEY. The ushers? Will make the Steelers money. The people building the expansion? Will make the Steelers a crapton of money. That’s how businesses work. My husband and I own a downtown business. We hire people. They work hard. We pay them. They make money for us. We then pay taxes on that money. We’re not getting public money as a reward for that and neither should the Steelers.

3. The Rooneys pay taxes. — Colin.

So? We all pay taxes. In addition, are we supposed to hand rich people our money for free with nothing in return just so they’ll pay more taxes to the city coffers? Please. Without our money, the seats will still get added on and the Rooneys will still get richer (not that there’s anything wrong with that) and they’ll pay more in taxes. It’s the circle of life, Simba. #hakunamatata

4. 3,000 extra people eight times a year is LOTS OF MONEY for local businesses. The Steelers should be rewarded.

First, no, it’s NOT a lot of money for local businesses. 3,000 extra people? You might get 20 of them into the Bettis Grille. We might get two at Las Velas. A total of 500 of them, if that, might spend a few dollars at some place OUTSIDE the stadium (The Furries will spend more than these 3,000 people will. LET’S GIVE THE FURRIES SOME PUBLIC MONEY!). But a great vast majority of them are going to put their money into … wait for it … THE STEELERS. They’ll tailgate and then go into the stadium to buy expensive beers and Steelers branded merchandise. It is the STEELERS who will be making money off of these 3,000 seats via seat licenses. My research would put the fee at maybe $1,500 or $1,000 each. Don’t quote me on that. I’m guessing.

On top of that, the Steelers will get the annual tickets sales, plus a percentage of the official license transfers and believe you me, they will get transferred, because as you can see, what you buy for $1,000, you can sell for $10,000. They’ll get an extra 3,000 people buying concessions and merchandise. Make no mistake, it is not you and I or local businesses making money off of 3,000 seats. It is the Steelers. 99% … the Steelers.

Again, here, rich person, take my dollar and use it to make $100 for yourself.

P.S. The Steelers are worth $1.02 BAH-illion.

5. As anchor, they are helping/allowing other businesses to have a chance. — This is a Colin argument.

The stadium is already there, already built by $281 million in public funds. They’ve been rewarded. 3,000 extra seats does nothing for local businesses. Your argument is invalid, puny human.

6. Keep this up and you’ll get rubbed out by the Yinzerluminati. — @blackngoldlabel, jokingly on Twitter.

This is valid. I’m scared. Steelers fans can be crazy. Look at Lukey. But … [awkward kung fu moves].

I love the Steelers. So much. In general. I could do without their ridiculous Twitter accounts that pretend the laws of grammar and spelling and vowels in general never existed. I could do without the burgeoning egos of men who have never even been to space. That said, I’m a forever fan. You know this.

But I’m an even bigger fan of “the people.” I’m a fan of Pittsburgh. I’m a fan of the rich getting richer on their own dime, not ours. I’m a fan of the people taking a stand when the powerful make money-grabs like this.

Philadelphia is funding their new $125 million stadium expansion with their own money and help from the NFL. They haven’t touched the public coffers despite the fact that THE CITY owns the stadium. There’s no reason the Steelers can’t foot the bill for this $30 million expansion on their own. They’ll make that money back plus some faster than you can say GET YOUR HANDS OUT OF MY WALLET.

We’ve already rewarded the Steelers by putting $281 million into building that stadium and allowing them to make A FORTUNE off of it. It’s time for them to look in their own wallet.

Or worst case, they can take it to Kickstarter.

I’ve heard it works.

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Yinzer Link Dump

… so I says to her, I says …

Oh! Hai!

Been a while since I put something on this space, so let’s rectify that.

Just because I’m not writing as much as I used to, doesn’t mean I’m not reading more than ever. I am. Everything. And since I do a lot of that reading on the web, I’m often sucked into Pittsburgh-flavored wormholes with Pittsburgh-flavored jimmies on top.

Today was such a morning. One little “Pittsburgh” search on Pinterest and WHERE DID I GO, DOCTOR WHO?!

Everywhere. I went everywhere and stumbled on so much that I don’t even know what to do with it all, so I’m just going to leave them all here until I figure it out.

1. No clue of the origin of this. People are awesome at pinning pictures on Pinterest without linking to the source.


Put that in your pocket for Steelers time.

2. Another pinned pic of Pittsburgh on Pinterest with no pinned picture psource. (What? I was doing so good with the alliteration. I had to stick with it.)


I want that framed and hanging on my wall, but alas, there’s no source for it. Help?

3. Amazing Pittsburgh iPhone, iPod, and Galaxy cases, n’at.



4. Awesome Pittsburgh graffiti in Oakland at Fifth and Halket. Thanks to Twitter for finding the location for me.

the beach balls are escaping!!


It’s one of many doors in Oakland painted with cool art. You can see the others here. 

5. Speaking of graffiti, this is supposedly in Pittsburgh.


Can’t find it, but I did stumble on this Google Map of what seems to be Batman-themed graffiti spots in Pittsburgh? Not sure. But I’ll get to the bottom of that shit. Consider that shit’s bottom gotten to.

Oh, look! That was fast. Here’s the shit’s bottom. 

(h/t @HelloHahaNarf)

6. Expect some version of this to appear as a crapton of tramp stamps:

8b9859bec588a7f900261b478b724d297. Why are there so many pictures of girls wearing Penguins jerseys and no pants?


8. Roberto Clemente was gorgeous. Gorgeous.



I know there have been studies on the symmetricalness of Denzel’s face, but have they ever studied Roberto’s?

9. This is the photoset from the photo booth at last night’s Best Restaurants Party at Heinz Field, put on by Pittsburgh Magazine. My husband and I hopped in there with the Mike and Meg Woychecks, and I want you to know that in that first picture, I just invented something awesome … The Buc Bunny!


Not to be confused with picture number two which is an inquisitive monster bunny con duckface. Note, Monster Bunny Con Duckface is a new dish at Salt of the Earth. Don’t quote me on that.

And picture number three is our new band — Puss Explosion of the Jejuni.

Anyways, the Buc Bunny has arrived. Suck it, puck bunnies.

You too, Portland.

Also, in that last picture? Pretty sure Woy suddenly heard the national anthem being played.



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