1. From last Sunday’s Post-Gazette (click for embiggen):
STOP THE INSANITY.
2. Those who take part in the Mario Lemieux Foundation’s inaugural 6.6K run/walk are getting invited to a Pens’ practice that will take place right after the race! Awesome.
I’ll be at the run. VOLUNTEERING.
Because running sucks diseased donkey omelets.
3. Over at Pittsburgh Magazine, I wrote about 1992, the year the Pirates last smelled winning. You’ll get a gander at 1992′s Sally Wiggin, David Johnson, Peggy Finnegan, Bob Pompeani, John Steigerwald, and Apple’s first crack at the iPad (it’s bad).
That was almost 21 years ago. If you’re doing the math in your head, you don’t even need to carry the one to figure out that I probably have a stash of Velamints and Werthers at the bottom of my Sophia Petrillo-esque purse.
Remember Velamints? No? Get off my lawn.
Many of you don’t have such clear memories of 1992. Many of you yoots (PULL YOUR PANTS UP! STOP TWERKING! DEATH TO SNAPCHAT!) wouldn’t know what a Pirates winning season looked like if it walked up to you and sports-slapped your butt.
Have a read!
4. Remember Velamints?!?
What about Tidal Wave gum?!
What about fire?! Remember when we invented fire?!
Those were the good ole’ days.
5. In honor of the Buccos of Suckitude (for old times’ sake), Eat n’ Park is selling this Bury the Streak Smiley Cookie coffin that comes with a Jolly Roger flag too.
Dear Eat n’ Park, next year, put the cookies in a treasure chest. ARRRRrrr.
7. Remember that “Six Real Reasons Not to Move to Pittsburgh” post from the ex-pat now living in Chicago?
Local writer James Foreman wrote a hilarious satirical response to it and I’ve been meaning to share it with you but I forgot on account of I suck.
People Don’t Know How to Drive. It’s some kind of badge of honor to live in Pittsburgh and never learn how to drive a car. But that doesn’t stop them from driving them all over the place! According to the official report, there is a car crash every seven seconds. The tunnels are permanently clogged with cars that somehow got turned around sideways so they just built a platform up so people could drive on top of them. That runaway truck ramp on 376 was converted into an actual ramp and people gun it all the way up and just slam right into the side of the mountain! For fun! Drunk driving is actually encouraged. On Friday nights, the police will pull you over if they think you’re not drunk enough! I had a cop once force me to do a shot with him on his car hood. I don’t even LIKE tequila!
8. From Redditor Nevermatter comes this photo and caption:
A small patch of purposefully unpainted floor is all that remains of the Mr. Rogers set in Studio A at WQED studios:
8. My favorite tweets as of late:
Pumpkin spice latte is the female equivalent to the McRib.
— Susie Meister (@susie_meister) September 6, 2013
In fact, Road Rules’ Susie is my new favorite follow.
Why #Steelers fans are so thin: Study finds football fans consume extra fat and sugar on the Monday after their team loses.
— Sonni Abatta (@SonniAbatta) September 6, 2013
Shouts out to a nervous @JanePitt who saw this Pirates winning season coming. And then kept seeing it coming. For two decades.
— Sean Conboy (@SeanConPM) September 5, 2013
Just got surrounded by about 12 feral kittens in Friendship. It felt kind of like a really cute version of West Side Story.
— garbella (@garbella) September 2, 2013
Packing lunches, I was told the cherries had turned. Immediately thought they had become zombies.
— mindbling (@mindbling) August 29, 2013
Sign I’m editing a document written by a Yinzer: I keep adding the words “to be.”
— burghbaby (@burghbaby) August 19, 2013
Sometimes i read something on the internet and wish there was a way to take the hit back.
— President King Chach (@chachisays) August 22, 2013