What a steaming pile of maggot-covered dog poop sitting on a giant mountain of worm-riddled elephant feces.
That is to say … PEE. EWE.
Don’t think I’ll be writing a WTRT for every Steelers game this season, but how could I not write one about the worst Steelers game in recent memory?
Injuries, stupid coaching decisions (have we come up with the new “Fire Bruce Arians” yet for Haley? Let’s get on that.), and just plain forgetting the basics of the game of football was the “Steelers Way” yesterday afternoon.
And with the score sitting at 2-0 for a good portion of the game, and then the Steelers being held to those two dismal points right up until late in the game. Two points.
It was an awful game to watch.
Let’s talk shitty football.
1. Pregame. Football’s back in town. Everyone is feeling good. Pittsburghers are preparing their food spreads and checking their Steelers-heavy fantasy teams. Dan Rooney is optimistic. So is the lady photobombing him.
She is ready! She is personifying Steeler Nation Enthusiasm and Optimism! She would photobomb the President if given the chance! Thumbs up!
Even Jesus is there! What could go wrong with Jesus on hand?
We are excited and hopeful and on top of the world!
2. And then the game started and what’s this?
We are freaking out. The Steelers are back. The Steel Curtain is back. The dismal preseason record really DID mean nothing.
Terrible Towels are being whipped into such a frenzy, Scott Harbaugh takes to the air with a breaking report:
3. And then…
We lost Hernandez-BFF Pouncey for the season because DeCastro took him out.
DeCastro is a Steeler.
We lost Foote for the season.
We lost Stevens-Howling for the season.
Sean Suisham pulled a hammy in pregame warmups.
5. After scoring those two points, the Steelers forgot how to football.
Redman fumbled the ball 300 times, and got so confused he even tried basketball with it.
7. Coaching? Now, you know here in Pittsburgh we love our coaches when they’re winning and we hate their faces and their guts and their mothers when they’re losing, but I’m going to go ahead and go on the record that yesterday’s coaching was a giant EFF MINUS.
That’s right. Mike Tomlin called a timeout with two seconds to go until the two-minute warning.
Try for a thousand years and you’ll never wrap your head around it.
8. Troysus was decent and he did that Superman/Jesus thing where he times the snap count perfectly and unleashes hell.
And … and … I’ve already run out of good things to say.
9. Even the fans forgot how to be fans.
This lady was so out of it by the time the Steelers finally got a touchdown that she was TWIRLING HER WATER BOTTLE.
SHE’S TWIRLING IT, YOU GUYS.
The STEELERS BROKE THE FANS.
10. It sucked and there’s a really good chance this whole season is going to suck now that our team is depleted with injuries and the guys who are left … kinda suck. And the coaches suck.
God help us next week when we play the Bengals and James Harrison.
He is going to hand us our ass with a big fat “f–k you” stapled to it.
Let us pray.
11. Meanwhile, over at PNC Park …
(Matt Freed/P-G source)