Worst. Neighbors. Ever.

You know how it sucks when your neighbors don’t remove their snow in a timely manner?

Or how when their grass grows so tall a baby deer could hide in it for days and they just refuse to mow it?

Or how they leave their dead animals just lying around for anyone to trip over and break a bone?

Or how they’re always crowding the sidewalks with their prostitution?

No?

Then you don’t live in North Irwin, apparently:

nirwin

 

“YOUR WHORING IS A NUISANCE, DAMN IT.”

 





12 Comments

  1. bucdaddy
    September 13, 2013 11:36 am

    I don’t live in North Irwin. Are the hos routinely doing business on the front porch, or the lawn, or in the bed of the Ford F150 parked out front? Or all three?



  2. MattDC
    September 13, 2013 12:22 pm

    But wait! It’s more than mere prostitution. According to the Council’s proposal:

    “Residents can not have houses kept for the purpose of prostitution or promiscuous sexual intercourse.”

    I hope no college campuses are nearby, or entire dorms might have to be shut down.



  3. Janelle
    September 13, 2013 4:59 pm

    Sounds like a normal Fayette County neighborhood to me!



  4. Studio Kaufmann
    September 13, 2013 8:06 pm

    oh I hear you, it’s getting so bad in my neighborhood I can’s see the wood for the whores



  5. bluzdude
    September 14, 2013 10:49 am

    Reminds me of that old saying, “You can lead a horticulture, but you can’t make her think.”

    That’s how it goes, right?



  6. Cliff Tuttle
    September 14, 2013 7:58 pm

    I hate to spoil the party (Ok, I like to spoil the party), but the State of Pennsylvania has preempted the field of prostitution. See 18 Purdon’s Pennsylvania Statutes Section 5902(a):

    A person is guilty of prostitution if he or she:
    (1) is an inmate of a house of prostitution or otherwise engages in sexual activity as a business; or
    (2) loiters in or within view of any public place for the purpose of being hiredto engage in sexual activity.

    Pretty much covers it, wouldn’t you say?

    Where was their lawyer (actually they call it a solicitor) while this groundbreaking piece of legislation was being consider?

    Oh.

    Never mind.

    Cliff Tuttle
    Pittsburgh Legal Back Talk



    • MattDC
      September 15, 2013 11:37 am

      Those cagey North Irwin council members have it covered. They are merely banning “having a house” for the purpose of prostitution, so it’s really just a zoning ordinance against the owner. And to avoid any possible state preemption, they also condemn “promiscuous sexual intercourse,” which, as I noted above, we used to refer to as “college.”

      Of course, if a “service provider” were to drive up from, oh . . .say . . West Virginia, it might become a Mann Act federal preemption matter. Well, I guess we can’t expect the council to think of everything. At least they covered late mowing, dead animals, promiscuity, and “offensive vibrations”, making Irwin a finer place to live.



  7. bucdaddy
    September 16, 2013 5:03 pm

    Just a thought: You and your sisters should mass live blog the Steelers-Bengals. Much as I dislike football, I’d watch … er, um, read the shit out of that.



  8. Suzie-Q
    September 16, 2013 9:53 pm

    Hmmmm it’s always the hoes getting the bad rap when it’s really the those who want to plow who are the problem.