In which I line up UPMC and Highmark and I bitchslap them both to Mars

highmarkupmc

I cannot take another newspaper ad or another ridiculous scary-sounding television commercial by either Highmark or UPMC. Like, I haven’t been this stabby since Mayor Luke learned what a hashtag is.

I am sick of both of them. I don’t care who wins at this point, because they’re both going to lose; King Solomon is going to cut their baby in half.

I let them have it over at Pittsburgh Magazine.  

A snippet:

We are not opening the Sunday paper to read these ads in the hopes of finally coming down on either side of the fence. I hate to tell you this, but there is no fence. It’s like the final three days leading up to an important election when we are mercilessly bombarded with scary-sounding ads at every turn. We start to hate everyone, even the person we’re going to vote for. We would get sick of our own father’s face if he was the one running for office. “Not this guy again. Ugh.”

Go read my message to UPMC and Highmark. Spread it. Share it. Make sure everyone reads it so that it will reach who it needs to at Highmark and UPMC and their eyes will open and they’ll say, “Wait. So you’re saying THE COMMERCIALS AND ADS ARE MAKING YOU HATE BOTH OF US?! HOW CAN THIS BE?!? WE THOUGHT YOU WERE DUMBER THAN THAT! WHERE IS MY SECURITY BLANKIE MADE OF STITCHED-TOGETHER HUNDRED DOLLAR BILLZ?!”

It is time for the ad war to stop and working toward a solution to start, and that’s not going to happen until they realize I am speaking the truth. So let them hear it. 

We’re sick of both of ya, Highmark and UPMC. At this point, we’re rooting for an asteroid.

A big one.

P.S. CAN YOU BELIEVE THE EDITOR ALLOWED THAT LAST GIF?!!?!?!?!?!?  WHAT DOES THAT TELL YOU?!?!? I CANNOT STOP SHOUTING AT THE EPICNESS OF THAT!!!!!!!!  ALL YOUR EXCLAMATION POINTS ARE BELONG TO US!!!!!!





5 Comments

  1. Brenda Graham
    December 13, 2013 9:46 am

    JUST LIKE THAT.



  2. Butcher's dog
    December 13, 2013 9:54 am

    When we’re counting on the politicians in Harrisburg to come up with a law that fixes this stuff, you know we’re in real trouble. And it’ll probably take a law, since it doesn’t appear either side is going to extend an arm in friendship unless that arm has been thoroughly twisted first.



  3. Patricia
    December 13, 2013 11:42 am

    Thank you for putting into words what I think every time I see one of those ads. ENOUGH already!



  4. Voni
    December 15, 2013 7:46 pm

    You got that right on the mark! Twenty-five plus years of working in the healthcare game and all I see is the greed.