Category Archives: Awesome Burghers
- April 3, 2013
- filed under Awesome Burghers, Make Room for Kids, Mayor Ravenstahl, Penguins, Pirates
- 12 comments
1. Things look a little different on the blog this morning. First, I’ve taken down the Make Room For Kids thermometer, which was sitting over there so long on account of my laziness, natch. [eats a cookie]
You’ll also notice that the three featured posts are gone from just below the header. That is because apparently the widgets all got in a fight and started disabling each other with vicious bitchslaps.
My blog designer, Jennifer of Inksplash, is due to deliver a baby at … any … moment, and therefore, she won’t be able to tinker with it for a bit of time.
And why don’t I just tinker with it and fix it myself? LOL. You’d be surprised how very very little I know about WordPress and HTML and mothereffing widgets. In fact, when people email me to ask me for help with the techy stuff on their blogs, my response is, “LOL! SOMETHING SOMETHING VEAL!”
All that to say … the blog looks different! It’s not just you!
I’m wordy today.
Wordiness is my co-pilot.
(h/t Randy Baumann)
3. How ’bout ‘dem Pens? I was glad they lost because they can’t never not lose again (triple negative, baby!) and I need them to lose now and not during the playoffs, eh?
Last night my brother-in-law Muchacho, Pens Fan’s husband, sent me a text so angry about Dan Potash, that I still to this moment do not understand what he was saying. He was apparently keyboard smashing on an iPhone, which isn’t an easy thing to do.
You know it’s bad in the Pens locker room when Dan Potash is forced to interview the opposing players.
And you know it’s a bad game when my brother-in-law turns on Dan Potash. That’s like walking up to Jeff Jimerson and being all, “No, I don’t want to run my fingers through your silky smooth hair.”
Also, wordiness! Get a cup of coffee; I’m using all the words today.
Including this one … brobdingagian.
[takes a bow]
4. Oh my God. We’re only on number 4.
You know, if you have to drive a piece of shit car, you might as well drive an AWESOME piece of shit car.
(h/t a bunch of yinz)
7. I recently reconnected to perhaps my favorite local artist Saihou O. Njie, whose paintings just … they’re amazing. I’ve been a fan for a decade now and someday, I will own one. Do you have one you want to sell me?
Anyway, check this out. His latest exhibit “Twinning,” at Manchester Craftsman’s Guild showcases his efforts to match 100 Africans with their African American lookalikes.
I CANNOT WAIT TO SEE THIS.
8. AreThePiratesInFirstPlace.com is exactly what it sounds like.
(via Sarah from Smart Bitches, Trashy Books)
Sean Conboy is not only my editor, he is my spirit animal.
10. Things to read, because I can’t remember if I linked you to them or not on account of my previously discussed laziness [eats another cookie]:
- I’ve been trying to learn all of my grandma’s Syrian recipes. Problem is she died a decade ago and I didn’t bother to sit her down before that. BE YE NOT SO STUPID. Go read. I talk about Ouija Boards. My father just prayed for me.
- Then go read Wayno’s post featuring the early sketches for that column and how he decided on that illustration of me inside a measuring cup. LOVE IT. Although I kind of wish I could see his finished mock-up of The Devil’s Spatula, which is what I have dubbed the baker’s version of the gardener’s black thumb.
- My previous column was about Primanti Bros. going nationwide and how I feel about that and how you feel about that.
- Did you read my post about Target Canada using the Mister Rogers theme song in a commercial? It’s aboot time you did! I MADE A FUNNY.
- Did you read my post that was my farewell to Lukey? The post that a reader read and then said I had drank the Kool-Aid and was now “smitten” with Luke Ravenstahl? SOMETHING SOMETHING VEAL!
11. “Three Things You Didn’t Know About Roberto Clemente.” Unless you are me, and then you knew all of them.
[awkward kung fu moves]
12. Tweets I love from you guys this week:
It’s supposed to snow tonight. I will angrily stand outside and punch the snow as it falls
— Pat Hanavan (@PatHanavan) March 24, 2013
Made a loaf of bread. It’s rubbery like a bouncy ball. Or gum.I’ve essentially made whole wheat gum.
— SupervillainMom (@SupervillainMom) March 22, 2013
Ray Shero could bring the olympics to Pittsburgh. I believe this statement to be 100% true.
— Mikey (@fsmikey) March 28, 2013
In related news:Penguins acquire John Tavares from the Islanders for a signed Sidney Crosby skate.
— Denis Leary (@denisleary) March 28, 2013
Hoping that Starling Marte can play up to the level of how cool he looks and how cool his name is.
— chrisfafalios (@chrisfafalios) April 1, 2013
Snow and windy, now dry and sunny. Pittsburgh weather: if you don’t like it, wait 15 minutes and it’ll change.
— marie popichak (@maripops) April 1, 2013
Really thought 2013 was going to be the year I print something, walk over to the printer, and it’s there.
— Cara Sapida (@WPXICara) April 3, 2013
@janepitt But are the people of Century III Chevrolet, Lebanon Church Road, Pittsburgh safe? As I recall it is minutes from the mall.
— Kim Z Dale (@observacious) April 3, 2013
And now you have that jingle stuck in your head.
[drops mic and walks away]
Without the pizza place.
Yesterday I took my kids to the Science Center and then on to Las Velas for dinner. While sitting near the windows above Market Square, my six-year-old daughter looked down to the sidewalk below and saw two pigeons pecking at probable puke.
Me: “Look at those pigeons! They’re fat as cats!”
Her: “Mom. [folds her hands in the begging gesture] Can I PLEEEEEEEZE have a pet pigeon? Please? [doe eyes]“
Satan in Hell: [falls down laughing]
For weeks now, every time she sees a pigeon, my daughter insists she’d like one for a pet. A pigeon.
I say “kick it!” and she hears “love it!”
She yearns for a pet parrot, but I’ve told her no in the most honest way I could … “No. They poop, they’re loud, and they live forever.”
That’s right. I don’t permit non-canine pets in my house that I’ll still have to take care of after my children go to college. This is why I said no to the bearded dragon. Because with my luck, it would be as big as a baby alligator the day I sent my boy off to school. I’m hopeful Dennis the tarantula’s funeral will happen sometime before 2021.
Also, have you ever seen a tarantula’s molt?
Now you have. You’re so very welcome.
Since I’ve told her she can’t have a parrot, she thinks a pigeon is the next best thing. That’s like thinking, “Well, if I can’t have a steak, I’ll have tuberculosis.”
I think I’ve come up with a way to put the whole matter to rest. I told her she can have a pet pigeon if she can catch one.
This oughta be good.
Also yesterday at Las Velas, my son and I were talking about Minecraft because that’s what ten-year-old boys like to talk about. He was explaining to me a problem he was having, but that he found a forum that helped him solve it.
Him: “And some guy I know commented on that forum too. Guess who it was!”
Me: [spews margarita all over the place]
Guess I should have that “not everything on the Internet is true” talk with him.
3. An appeal
The Make Room for Kids Amazon wish list is up! You’ll notice this list is heavy in DVD movies and that’s because The Children’s Home doesn’t have many at all. In fact, most of their movies are on VHS. Titles start at less than $5.
Also on the list, you’ll see we’re asking for donations of XBOX Live points, as this is how we’ll be purchasing the games for The Children’s Home, rather than using physical disk copies. We’d appreciate if you could help us out with that.
And finally, you’ll see a few actual hard copies of XBOX games on the list. Those are games requested by the kids at Children’s Hospital of Pittsburgh who are patients in the units we’ve outfitted in years past. It’s important that we maintain an updated supply of games to keep the kids there occupied. The extra controllers are for Children’s Hospital too.
Shipping defaults to go directly to The Lemieux Foundation.
If you haven’t chipped in yet — maybe PayPal isn’t your thing — this is a great way to do it. Takes just a few minutes of your time and scores you major good karma points. Plus, Mario will walk into the office, see all the piles of boxes of stuff you donated and he’ll be all [THUMBS UP!].
FOR OUR SICK KIDS, you guys!
If you donate, I promise to never post another picture of a tarantula molt again.
My dad is … well, he’s a really great dad.
He survived five daughters. Married every one of them off. Didn’t lose a single one to the stripper pole or the Democratic Party. I don’t know which of those two would upset him more.
He’s a minister as well as a metallurgical engineer. There is no Burghier engineering degree. He can talk steel like Dr. Sheldon Cooper talks physics.
He’s a dork in the best sense of the word. His sense of humor is of the Marx Brothers variety. When he laughs, he turns red and walks to the brink of a catastrophic heart event.
He cherishes his grandchildren, and when he gets the opportunity to visit his two Texan grandchildren, Tina Fey’s children, he doesn’t sit on the couch and watch FoxNews for a week; he goes out and enjoys the warm Texas air.
And he teaches himself new, amazing skills.
And I had to share.
That’s MY Pittsburgh Dad.
You can’t have him.
Note: Yes, I’m posting more lately. Because I’m very soon going to be asking you to donate money to sick kids. I feel I at least owe you a few chuckles so that you’ll donate to give some sick kids a few smiles.
What the Pittsburgh Airport has on display:
What the Philadelphia Airport has on display:
We win; Philly couldn’t lose any harder.
Also, suck it, Portland.
Back in 2011 the URA released an April Fool’s edition of their e-newsletter featuring this:
Today the City of Pittsburgh in conjunction with the URA, Allegheny County and the Port Authority announced plans to construct a zip line that will run from the Duquesne Incline in Mt. Washington to the North Shore.
To which I responded:
ZIP LINE. ZIP. LINE.
Best idea ever. Get on that, someone of import.
The half-mile proposed zip line would cross the Ohio River at 50 mph and with a 400 foot vertical drop. Young will use the grant funds to bring a national zip line company to Pittsburgh to conduct a feasability study.
Young says the project has verbal arrangements with property owners at the proposed take-off and landing sites. A landing platform would be constructed at the North Shore location with enough height to prevent interference with river traffic.
Are you kidding me? Zipping over the Ohio River from Mt. Washington and landing on the North Shore at speeds approaching Turnpike-mph?
If you don’t wear a Batman cape the first time you do it, I don’t even know who you are anymore.
A Spiderman suit will also be acceptable.
[swishes cape and runs off in dramatic fashion]
[runs back in dramatic fashion]
Also … suck it, Portland.
[swishes cape and runs off again in dramatic fashion]