Category Archives: David Conrad
Did you batten down your hatches yet, Pittsburgh? I would if I knew what the hell that meant.
I’m mostly worried about my Halloween decorations becoming missiles that pierce the siding of my neighbors’ homes. Or a random pumpkin crashing into my living room. I’ve heard we might have up to 70 mph wind gusts. In Pittsburgh?! What in the crap even?! This feels like a SyFy movie where somehow a category five hurricane of snow forms over a midwest state. They’d call it Hurricaginormous Rex or something. It would star Lorenzo Lamas and Pamela Anderson as hurricane chasers. It would have dialogue like:
Pamela: “We’ve got to get out of this storm before we both die!”
Lorenzo: “There’s a storm in my pants, girl.”
Why doesn’t SyFy hire me?
Where was I?
While you’re waiting to find out just how destructive this “unprecedented weather event” is going to be, here’s a few things for you to read:
1. Me versus David Conrad.
I’ve loved his love of Pittsburgh forever, ever since he was on Relativity (My sisters still call him Leo) and still showed up at Burghy events to support good causes. Then in the past few years we’ve become acquaintances which is exactly how I envisioned my ten-year plan to become his best friend would unfold.
David has been vocal about the St. Nick’s church’s demise, so he and I decided to have a little chat about it. This interview is a result of my chat over breakfast at the Square Cafe with the star of the newly announced Lifetime series “The Secret Lives of Wives.”
We talk about the church, the Civic Arena, why he moved to Braddock, unions, Henry Clay Frick, and more. A snippet:
David sees the colorful Twitter interface on my laptop screen and immediately shields his eyes as if we’re in an Indiana Jones movie and I’m opening the Ark of the Covenant. He has clearly eschewed social media and here I am trying to show him the light. As I close my laptop, I make a mental note to one day convert him to the Church of Social Media, but for now, I need a carb-loaded apple maple crepe and a healthy dose of decaf.
Henry Clay Frick leads us down a path toward the merit of unions, and I tell David what makes me angry. For instance, when turnpike toll takers are fighting for astronomical wages considering the struggle of the average American worker in this recession. Or when a unionized worker who has done something vile is suspended with pay.
But David is a strong union supporter, and I know that about him. He fights back, defending the unions as a whole, contrasting their wages to the salaries of the management that own and run the companies. He defends the people in the unions, calling most of them good people who work hard and who deserve to be at the table when decisions about their jobs are made.
“People died to bring us unions,” he says. “They died.” Each syllable pronounced. They. Died.
I can’t not look that in the eye.
And by “astronomical wages” I mean for what their job entails. I’ve complained about this on here before. You know that about me.
And I can tell you this … with his ability to quote books on Pittsburgh’s history, to name exact years of obscure Pittsburgh events, and the things he does behind the scenes here … he really does care.
“Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood” is not about collecting dancing stars from bridge trolls or flying on a hastily crafted-together boat made of marker caps and popsicle sticks in order to rescue a half-witted pigeon that got stuck on the Statue of Liberty’s nose. Instead, Daniel learns about going to the doctor, having a picnic, being nervous about school, getting mad and, most importantly, how crayons are made.
Have a read!
And batten down the hatches!
Do we need to stock up on milk and toiletpaper for hurricanes?
I DON’T EVEN KNOW!
- February 24, 2012
- filed under City Council, Daniel Sepulveda, David Conrad, Evgeni Malkin, Matt Lamanna, Mayor Ravenstahl, Penguins, Pirates, Steelers, Wendy Bell
- 22 comments
This is not satire. This is not a fake news story. This is not The Onion. This is REAL:
The City of Pittsburgh has been voted the most liveable (sic) city, the top ten Best in the World for tourism among many awards and now PositivelyPittsburghLiveMagzine.com (sic) and Pittsburgh City Council have teamed up to prove that Pittsburgh is the Most Loveable, Most Huggable City! Using the model of the international phenomenon of the “Free Hug Campaign” PPLMag.com plans to create a spectacular event on September 6, 2012 with preview events leading up to it. The goal is to create an event that brings attention and prominence to “Pittsburgh’s best asset, the friendliness of its citizens.”What’s Happening When and Where!
- February 14th Proclamation declaring September 6th as Hug-A-Thon Pittsburgh Day. There will also be a group hug with City Council Members.
- Hug Ambassador Events are open auditions to be huggers at the Hug-A-Thon Events of September 6th.
- Hug Ambassador Auditions will be held in the City Council Districts of Darlene Harris, William Peduto, and Theresa Smith.
- Hug Auditions scheduled during the months of March, May, July and August
- Hug Ambassador Categories will include, but aren’t limited to: Best Granny Hugger, Best EMS Hugger, Best Sports Hugger, Best Entertainment and Media HuggerThe Hug Ambassador Event Winners will be determined by Facebook contributions and donations raised at the event for four area charities. Hug Auditions are scheduled during the months of March, May, July and August. These will be preview events to the September 6, Hug-A-Thon Pittsburgh™September 6, 2012 Outdoor Hug-A-Thon Pittsburgh Event and Gala
- The outdoor event will be held in five locations in downtown Pittsburgh. These Hug locations are the City County Building, Market Square, Katz Plaza, underneath Macy’s Clock, and the Wyndham Grand Pittsburgh Downtown.
- Times to get a “free” hug and make your optional donations: 2:30 PM to 5:30 PM at these locations
- There will be signage and entertainment to draw attention to the Huggers.
- The hugs will be free. Donations will be accepted and the donations will benefit four local charities.
- The Presenting Sponsor is Wyndham Grand Downtown and the first official Hug-A-Thon Pittsburgh Gala will be held in the Wyndham Grand Ballroom. Celebrity Hug Stations will be set up around the room. Celebrities will include local sports figures, media personalities, and entertainers. Local musical and variety entertainment has been engaged for both the lobby of the Wyndham Grand Pittsburgh Downtown and the ballroom from 5:30 PM to 8:30 PM.
“I am proud to be a part of this great campaign and to show how much Pittsburgh cares about its local charities. Pittsburgh is hands-down the World’s Most Lovable City!” Bill Peduto.
1. I can find the minutes to the meeting, but I cannot find any pictures of the February 14th City Council group hug session! THIS IS A FIRST-WORLD TRAVESTY! What if there is a picture of Lukey hugging Bill Peduto?!
2. I’m happy it’s for charity because otherwise this would be the most ridiculous thing since Gus the Groundhog’s birth.
3. How does one judge a hug audition? Too much squeeze? Limp squeeze? Too much breast pressure? Not enough breast pressure? Too handsy? Not handsy enough? Too much butt grabbage? Would it be like American Idol auditions? “I’ve had five-week old lettuce firmer than your hugs.” Would it be like Dirty Dancing with Johnny? “Look at your arms — Spaghetti arms. You gotta hold your frame.”
4. I miss Patrick Swayze.
5. This event is BurghBaby‘s worst nightmare. That girl HATES hugs.
6. My celebrity wish list for hugs … David Conrad, Mike Wallace, Randy Baumann, Jim Krenn, Daniel Sepulveda, AJ Burnett, Wendy Bell, Sally Wiggin, Matt Lamanna, Mike Tomlin, DAN BYLSMA, DAN BYLSMA, DAN BYLSMA, Sexhair, Sexgoal, Gina Cerilli, Elena LaQuatra, Patrick Jordan, Mario, Fort McKenry, Troysus and DAN BYLSMA.
What? Tell me you don’t believe Dan Bylsma would give the best hugs ever.
We won’t know until we try. To grab his butt.
1. Last night at the Cirque Dreams show at Heinz Hall (more on that soon), I gave away my first Moo Minicard to reader Magnus Patris, who REQUESTED the jagoffs card.
And here I was going to hand him a self-united one.
2. Two new lists about Pittsburgh!
- On Frommers, you have Best of Pittsburgh: 10 Things Behind the Steel Curtain, including “ascend an urban mountain” (when the worker monkeys don’t take naps to stop cranking the giant wheel), and “see the Monet that got away.”
- And on USAToday.com: 10 Reasons to Travel to Pittsburgh.
My God, we’re going to have egos the size of Antarctica soon.
3. But then we remember that Dance Moms is filmed here and our egos go PSSSSSSSSSSSSssssssshhhhhhhhhh.
That’s the sound of deflation. I’ve never typed it out before. There you go.
4. Love Benstonium’s video parodying the Clint Eastwood commercial:
I can’t wait for their first Buccos video of the year!
5. Speaking of the Buccos of Suckitude!
I’ve featured this shirt before, but this is my husband’s favorite shirt in the world right now mostly because of how freaking soft it is. I think I’m going to hand these out on the bandwagon this year.
You can get one here at Fresh Factory!
6. Speaking of the Buccos some more!
Going to send that to Clint Hurdle.
7. First ever craft beer week in Pittsburgh?!
I will DRINK ALL THE THINGS!
8. My self-united husband, future NBC star, and future best friend David Conrad narrates UNDAUNTED: The Forgotten Giants of the Allegheny Observatory:
9. The Knitting Lady has been BUSY!
Taken January 6:
Hi, Mario. Will you marry me? Or maybe I can just hand you a self-united card if I ever see you again.
Taken Saturday in Buffalo:
I’ma hand all those boys a self-united card.
You too, Knitting Lady.
Alternate title: Because Kleptomaniacs Read Too
Apparently all the petty thieves (not to be confused with the Sharply Dressed Penny Thief) get their books and fish from the Bethel Park Public Library where the following chain of events has happened since last fall when 15 Glofish were purchased for the library’s aquarium:
– One died.
– Five disappeared over Thanksgiving. And I do mean disappeared. Gone.
– One fish disappeared per week until Christmas when there was only one fish left. (Hmm. That math doesn’t add up. And I totally carried the one. [thoughtfully chews on pipe stem])
– A few weeks ago, the last fish disappeared, leaving the tank completely empty.
– Somewhere in there, the algae eater disappeared too.
And that’s not all!
McIntosh witnessed a patron emptying the contents of a commercial canister of sugar into a plastic sandwich bag. The library used to supply individual small cups of liquid coffee creamer, but patrons stole those.
Last summer, someone was found picking green bell peppers from the library’s outdoor garden.
And now there’s a new item being stolen: Styrofoam cups.
This is kind of hilarious.
As an unofficial member of CSI:Pittsburgh, I’m willing to bet my Sunglasses of Justice on the thieves being either our growing Pittsburgh Petty Criminals Posse …
… or the elderly.
Those old people will steal ANYTHING that isn’t nailed down. Heck, my grandma used to have a purse full of Sweet ‘n Low and she could have coated three loaves of toast with the various jam packets in there.
I can’t wait to be old so I can steal anything I want and get away with it — just shoving random crap I want into my giant giant purse.
Watch your back, David Conrad.
(h/t Lisa K.)
1. Thank you so much for your donations! 18 hours and we’ve already reached our 25% goal.
One thing that I’ve recently come to understand is how childhood cancer can absolutely ravage a small body.
This post over here is a perfect illustration of that. See young Cole before he got cancer, and then see his photo a few months prior to his death just a few weeks ago, after a one year battle with leukemia.
My brain really has a problem processing that.
2. Due to Kirby Wilson’s injuries and likely lengthy rehab from burns suffered when his home caught fire, it looks like he’ll not be moving to the OC position because the Steelers new offensive coordinator is Todd Haley.
[Note to editor: Insert something here that makes it sound like I know who the hell Todd Haley is.]
Shit. I’M the editor.
Okay, is this him?
3. Alyssa Milano, Antonio Brown, and Joe Manganiello (step off!) at a Super Bowl party in Indianapolis:
If you stare at Antonio’s suit long enough, you will legit seize.
4. A man bought a pigeon for $328,000.
No, I’m not just typing in random numbers and commas. That’s REALLY how much he paid.
The only way I’d pay that much money for a pigeon is if it was a Terminator pigeon programmed to annihilate every single one of his brethren on the planet. While pooping diamonds.
(h/t Becky and others whose emails I lost. I’ll give my editor a scolding about that. … SHIT.)
5. It appears the Occupy Pittsburgh protestors are indeed going quietly into that good night, as the camp is reportedly now deserted except for some tents whose owners are AWOL, and one random dude.
If you missed it last week, KDKA had an expose that showed that no one was really sleeping at Occupy Pittsburgh for some time now, except for a homeless guy.
Look, I don’t blame them. Camping for three days is awful. Camping for 100 days is homelessness. Also? RATS.
Some protesters have erected what they call “the ark” from a pile of wooden shipping pallets that were used to keep their tents off the ground. The purpose isn’t clear, but the only animals seen entering or leaving have been rats.
Oh, hell no. The only way I’d camp with rats is if the rats are Terminator rats who are programmed — you see where I’m going with this?
Here’s an AP photo of the Ark:
Hmm. I think they’re off by a couple cubits.
Those of you that know your Bible stories thought that joke was HILARIOUS. CUBITS!
Remind me to tell you my joke about a Pharisee and a Sadducee walking into a bar.
6. My family and I have been emailing back and forth about the Hoodie Footie pajamas commercial.
I actually have one sister who admits she would totally wear these abominations.
I won’t tell you which sister said it, but, Princess Aurora.
7. My first self-united husband and future best friend David Conrad has been signed onto a new pilot for NBC called “Beautiful People” naturally.
The sci-fi project, from Cougar Town writer Michael McDonald, is set in a future world in which humans co-exist with life-like androids, known as ‘Mechanicals’. Conrad will play Jerry, an entrepreneur and genius who is an expert at designing and marketing the sophisticated Mechanical servants.
Sophisticated Mechanicals would be a kickass band name.
8. Found on Pinterest and I can’t for the life of me find the original source. You know you want to do this for your wedding guests! What a cute and classy way to help guests find their tables at a Pittsburgh wedding.
Just make sure you serve something with fries on top!