Category Archives: Hot Burghers

Random n’at

1. Last night at the Cirque Dreams show at Heinz Hall (more on that soon), I gave away my first Moo Minicard to reader Magnus Patris, who REQUESTED the jagoffs card.

And here I was going to hand him a self-united one.

His loss!

2. Two new lists about Pittsburgh!

My God, we’re going to have egos the size of Antarctica soon.

(h/t Jen)

3. But then we remember that Dance Moms is filmed here and our egos go PSSSSSSSSSSSSssssssshhhhhhhhhh.

That’s the sound of deflation. I’ve never typed it out before. There you go.

4. Love Benstonium’s video parodying the Clint Eastwood commercial:

YouTube Preview Image

I can’t wait for their first Buccos video of the year!


5. Speaking of the Buccos of Suckitude!

I’ve featured this shirt before, but this is my husband’s favorite shirt in the world right now mostly because of how freaking soft it is. I think I’m going to hand these out on the bandwagon this year.


You can get one here at Fresh Factory!

6. Speaking of the Buccos some more!


Going to send that to Clint Hurdle.

(h/t Charles)

7. First ever craft beer week in Pittsburgh?!


8. My self-united husband, future NBC star, and future best friend David Conrad narrates UNDAUNTED: The Forgotten Giants of the Allegheny Observatory:

UNDAUNTED: The Forgotten Giants of the Allegheny Observatory Official Movie Trailer from Dan Handley on Vimeo.

(h/t Cari)

9. The Knitting Lady has been BUSY!

Taken January 6:

Hi, Mario. Will you marry me? Or maybe I can just hand you a self-united card if I ever see you again.

Taken Saturday in Buffalo:

Lucky girl!

I’ma hand all those boys a self-united card.

You too, Knitting Lady.

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Random n’at

(Photo from Philip G. Pavely/Trib)

1. Today, despite having not heard the song since it was popular mumble years ago, I got Cher’s “Just Like Jesse James” stuck in my head.

That’s messed up shit, as earworms go. I’d rather have Air Supply stuck in there.

Shit. Now I have Air Supply stuck in there.

2. My fourth self-united husband Joe Manganiello is in town this week as he visits his alma mater Mt. Lebanon High School to accept an award and also hosts a fundraiser for SICK KIDS. He spent some time yesterday visiting kids on the 9th floor of Children’s Hospital, the Oncology and “Frequent Fliers” floor, which you remember we outfitted this spring with gaming thanks to Make Room for Kids.

See. I don’t just pick hot self-united husbands. I pick kindred spirits. Bosom friends. Good neighbors.

Step off.

3. I’m attending the showing of Wicked Thursday night with my sister Princess Aurora of Wexfordhampsminstershire and I am dying to find out what all the fuss is about this show. My mother has been going on about it forever, it seems. Almost all of the shows are sold out, but that doesn’t mean you can’t snag a ticket now that the Cultural Trust has announced a $25 ticket lottery for Orchestra seats!

A day-of-performance lottery for a limited number of orchestra seats will be held daily for WICKED, which will be performing from Wednesday, September 7 through Sunday, October 2, at the Benedum Center.  Each day, 2½ hours prior to show time people who present themselves at the Theater Square Box Office, 655 Penn Avenue, downtown Pittsburgh will have their names placed in a lottery drum and then thirty minutes later, names will be drawn for a limited number of orchestra seats at $25 each, cash only.  This lottery is available only in-person at the box office, with a limit of two tickets per person.

Awesome and worth the shot.

4. The Sidney Crosby presser was exactly what we thought it would be. Sid feels better, up to 80-90%, but still no timetable for his return.

However, the good news is that his doctors are optimistic he will have a long career.

All we know for sure right now is this: Sid is in town and he is still super adorable.

Also, Sid’s doctor called Sid a Ferrari.

Should I be worried my doctor calls me a Winnebago?


5.  Local band 1-2-3, the duo behind the Work song and video that I love so much, have a show coming up this Sunday at Mr. Smalls!

I’ve never been to Mr. Smalls. Does that make me a bad Burgher?

6. One of the prizes for the Rachel Carson Homestead Raffle is pretty freaking awesome and involves my charter self-united husband:

City councilman Bill Peduto and actor David Conrad have agreed to donate their time as an amazing prize package in the Community Experiences Raffle. The two have agreed to team up on  September 24th, 2011, at 1:00pm  and act as personal chefs for one lucky winner and 10 of their closest friends. They will barbecue and socialize at the Homestead (food and beer provided by RCHA).

Details here!

7. Pittsburgh police are working hard to eradicate drug dealers from downtown via Operation: Stink Bug.

Man, I have said this before and I will say it again now. I would REALLY like to be the person who gets to name operations.

Operation: Hellfire Scourge Death Bomb

Operation: Incontinent Tarantula

Operation: Oozing Orifice

Operation: Son of McBeam

How awesome would it be to hear Ken Rice be all, “Pittsburgh police rounded up 23 suspected downtown drug dealers today via Operation: Teat of Goat …”

8. The Seattle Seahawks cut Jeff Skippy Skeeve Foul Dwarf Reed who they signed after he was released by the team that wears the gold pants. I’m not good with names.

One writer with Seattle Weekly is sad about it:

The proximate cause of Reed’s dismissal was the fact that only three of his five kickoffs in the Seahawks’ preseason finale on Friday made it to the end zone. At 32, he’s getting on in years, especially considering that he’s lived many of those years to a remarkable degree of excess.

“Remarkable degree of excess.”

I like that. It makes all the drinking and whoring he did sound so refined.

I’m going to steal that.

  • “But officer! I wasn’t stalking Jeff Jimmerson; I was just observing him with a remarkable degree of excess.”
  • “I didn’t inhale a jar of Nutella; I simply partook of it to a remarkable degree of excess.”
  • “I didn’t murder the pigeon; I simply tased it to a remarkable degree of excess.”
  • “The Pirates are sucking to a remarkable degree of excess lately.”

9. Remarkable Degree of Excess would make a good band name.

So would Teat of Goat.


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Eye candy. For no reason.


(Fort McKenry on August 24)


(Troysus on August 15)


Fine Fellow Matt Lamanna

(Matt Lamanna showing off his giant sexy brain. Step off.)



 (Gina Cerilli in a photo for Pittsburgh’s Front Row Monthly Magazine. Click the link for MOAR HAWT. Also, Gina is in law school now.  And when my health prevented me from attending a function recently, she stepped in with hours notice and filled my shoes. Awesome Burgher.)

Pittsburgh is full of beautiful people.

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Random n’at

1. “A spoonful of Nutella helps the Nutella go down,” will be the fifth chapter in my forthcoming book I Have My Deepest Thoughts While Licking the Inside of the Nutella Jar.

Pre-order now at all the fake book webstores!

2. Someone needs to tell these people that there is another choice between kill or keep. It’s not often that I read an article that makes me choke down bile. This one did it.

God bless all you parents out there trying to conceive.

3. The Wall Street Journal brands Pittsburgh as the Steal City and it’s not because we’re a city of thieves!

Pittsburgh, once written off as a dying steel town, has turned into one of the most resilient office-rental markets in the U.S., prompting a flurry of building sales as some longtime owners take profits.

It’s a good look at the good and bad in Pittsburgh right now, and as always, I find that the good in Pittsburgh always outweighs the bad.

4. I have been asked not to write about Those Who We Shall Not Discuss until they are above … you know, now that they’re once again at … you know … the first time they’ve been there this late in the season since 1999. 12 years.

Apparently some of you think I’m a curse.

Kiss my grits, n’at, but I shall test out your theory and shut up until … you know.

Can I at least just warn you that space on my bandwagon is filling up fast? I only have room for like two more saucy wenches and three more drunk yinzers.

Also, can I just point out that Ronny Cedeno isn’t sucking too hard anymore? And that our new catcher isn’t too hard on the eyes?

Let’s go, … you know!

5. Things I tried at McDonalds!

Rolo McFlurry: Meh.

Frozen Strawberry Lemonade: Meh.

Sad panda. Happy cottage cheese butt.

6. I saw a sign that Englebert Humperdinck would be performing in Greensburg and I was all, “You mean like from The Princess Bride?!”

7. The Pirates Charities are raising money for Prader-Willi Syndrome, the disease Clint Hurdle’s young daughter suffers. Pledge per wins and if you pledge enough, receive autographed gifts by players and/or coaches.

(h/t Natalie)

8. The New Kids on the Block and the Backstreet Boys are in town for their concert and one Jonathan Knight is certainly enjoying himself:

Don’t ask me to explain the Pitt vs. Burgh line. I think he’s on drugs or something.  Or really really stupid.

I fully expect his next tweet to be, “Crazy tall skinny chick chasing me down on foot. Send help.”

(h/t @lisamh77)

9. The Golden Ticket Raffle benefiting Junior Achievement is back and woo-wee. Lookit the prize:

* full season of Pittsburgh Steelers games (if there is a season)
* full season of Pittsburgh Penguins games
* full season of Pitt Panthers Football games
* full season of Pitt Panthers Men’s Basketball games
* full season of Duquesne Men’s Basketball games
* full season of Penn State Football home games (4 tickets)
* tickets to the 2nd and 3rd round NCAA Division I 2012 Men’s Basketball Tournament games at CONSOL Energy Center

Tickets are $50 here, each with four chances to win! Scroll down and click on the Golden Ticket logo.

10. If you’re not reading the comments from The Duke of Fug’s minions over at this post, you’re missing out. So much awesome as they defend his doughy flesh, call out my cottage cheese ass (‘allo, Gov’nah! I’m not a professional athlete. Take my shot, bitch.), and defy us to play football with a broken foot and nose. They forgot to mention his ouchie thumb.

Also, shout out to the guys on the thread just aghast that we women would dare make a comment about Ben’s fleshy physical fitness.

Oh, come cry to me when Christina Aguilera or any female celebrity not a size zero isn’t considered a giant fat ass and then we’ll talk. He’s a professional athlete. His physical form is fair game, I think.

11. Finally, a new post up at Pittsburgh Magazine, this one checking in on the status of those New Year’s resolutions I made in January.

I’ve knocked a few off the list. Failed at others thus far. Drank lots of tequila. Hate boats.

Plus, any post that features an Arrested Development clip and jetpacks is a must-read.


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Random n’at

1. For six days now I have been hearing what sounds like bubbles popping in my left ear. Lately it sounds more like someone is inside my brain playing bongo drums. It keeps me up at night. I swear the other night I heard “Stayin’ Alive” in my head.

Using WebMD and good ole fashioned ye olde common sense, I diagnosed myself with one of three things: 1. flesh-rotting parasite 2. brain-eating amoeba 3. inoperable brain tumor.

The doctor today told me it’s actually water behind my ear drum and it is going to take three different prescriptions to hopefully dry the liquid up and stop the drumming.

I said, “THREE prescriptions?! Are you sure it’s not just the voices in my head have formed a bongo drum band?”

Which begs the question, if the voices in your head form a band, what’s a good name for it?

The Parasitic Amoeba Tumors just doesn’t roll off of the tongue that well.

2.  When Pittsburgh celebrities tweet each other:

(h/t @lisamh77, whose twitter background is all kinds of kickass)

3. I tweeted this earlier, but I wanted to be sure you all knew that your job today was probably a lot less hellfiery that this poor soul’s at the Waterfront Chik-Fil-A:

Also, I’m pretty sure that cow is supposed to be grilling steak.

How do you say cannibal in bovine?

4. Speaking of my self-united husband Joe Manganiello, there’s an interview with up over at the Steelers’ site. A few of my favorite parts.

When you hear the name Steelers, what does it make you think?

I think about hard hitting, smash-mouth football. But the bigger thing is I think about the city’s personality. The steel mills are no longer here, but the city still has that blue collar workman attitude.  It’s no frills. They don’t put up with a lot. That is why you see a lot of players that cause trouble or have character issues leave.

What current Steelers player would make a good Spiderman?

Once again I have to go with Troy Polamalu. Troy moves differently than the other players. My trainer is a semi-pro football player and he has adopted some exercises that were taken from Troy’s workout. It’s all one-legged on moving platforms, catching things while keeping your posture. It has to be Troy who would be a good Spiderman.

Troy could never get his hair up in that Spiderman costume, therefore, the correct answer, Joe, was Daniel Sepulveda.

What current Steelers player would make a good werewolf?

James Harrison. He would make a great werewolf. He looks at you and his eyes light up yellow. I wouldn’t be surprised if James was a werewolf.

(h/t Traci)

5. If you don’t yet appreciate the genius that was Frank Lloyd Wright, architect of Falling Water in Fayette County, and other way-ahead-of-their-time edifices, check out this post where on what would be his 144th birthday, HGTV takes a look at what the times were like when Wright was designing two of his most well-known works.

I was stunned.

6. Those whom we do not discuss until they are at or above .500 … you know … are one game away from .500 … you know.

I was never here.

7. Clint Hurdle, manager of those whom we do not discuss, had a Q&A with fans, and these made me love him more, if that’s possible:

jonpone: Last night was a great example of not quitting. How do you keep them going when they are losing in late innings?

Hurdle:: #1 – Good teams don’t quit. #2 – Quitting is not acceptable here. #3 – We owe it to our fan base to play a hard nine innings for 27 outs as long as it takes — whether it is 9,000 fans or 30,000 fans. There has to be a certain honor you feel when you put on our uniform that says “Pirates” on it. In the true spirit of being a Pirate, how could you ever quit?

Amen and that’s church.

jm_bucsfan: How much do you love Pittsburgh now that you’re here for real?

Hurdle:: My family and I are humbled by the way we’ve been embraced by the community. The city fits us like a good pair of jeans. We are a blue collar family with a strong work ethic and commitment to one another. We have a “dig it out of the dirt” mentality. We are everything this city stands for since I made my first trip here in 1981. There is a hard-nosed mentality here that’s noticeable, but everyone here is soft where it counts — in the heart. We love it.

“Hard-nosed mentality … but everyone here is soft where it counts — in the heart.”

The drums in my head are playing “Endless Love” now.

8. If you’re looking to score Steelers individual tickets, June 25, bay-bee.

I don’t normally call you “bay-bee” but right now I’m just doing what the bongo drums in my head are telling me to do. If I suddenly type [BEWBS!], you’ll know why.

9. Welcome back Billy Guerin!

10. [BEWBS!]



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