Category Archives: Penguins

Random n’at

Swagr-ratios

1. First, a giant thank you to every single one of you who donated, tweeted, retweeted, Facebooked, or in any way helped with the Make Room for Kids fundraising effort this year.

The Amazon wish list is empty, which helped close the funding gap we were dealing with. The kids at The Children’s Home will get their computers and XBOXes and movies and games and printers and TVs, while the kids in the units we’ve already outfitted at Children’s Hospital will get the extra games they requested as well as the extra XBOX controllers.

Everyone will be happy!

Look for the install day post in late April and you’ll be able to see exactly what your donated dollars were spent on, and you’ll see the smiles they will bring to the sick kids.

2. The next mayor of Pittsburgh is not Bill Peduto or Michael Lamb … It’s Rebecca De Mornay.

Rebecca De Mornay and Nick Westrate have been cast as leads in NBC’s hourlong pilot Hatfields & McCoys, a take on the infamous feud set in present-day Pittsburgh. The startling death of the McCoy patriarch re-ignites the feud between the two legendary families, unleashing decades of resentment. De Mornay will play the central character of Mary Hatfield, the Mayor of Pittsburgh and matriarch of the powerful Hatfields, who basically run the city through their development company and political connections.

I like it.

Also, I’d like to volunteer my services to the writers to help them instill some true Pittsburgh flavor into the dialogue.

Mayor De Mornay: [slams hands on desk] If this gets out, things get ugly. Put a lid on it. I don’t need every yinzer from here to Aliquippa showing up and demanding we [finger quotes] “warsh the corruption out, n’at.” 

Email me, yo.

3. Pittsburgh Minecraft map.  There should be a Flyers skin for all the creepers.

I know way too much about Minecraft thanks to my kids.

4. This picture. Pittsburgh at dusk. MAN.

From wmellott on Reddit.

5. The Steelers have lost James Harrison, Mike Wallace, Willie Colon, Rashard Mendenhall.

They signed Matt Spaeth and William Gay, both former Steelers.

So basically our new strategy is “out with the old; in with the old.”

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6. Pittsburgh’s Miss Smiling Irish Eyes 2013 is deaf. 

7. The teenaged founder and CEO of local company Simple Sugars will appear on Shark Tank on March 29. Set your DVRs.

8. The Knitting Lady sent me this pic of Geno holding her sock.

DSC01873

 

His face confuses me so much. For instance, here he is so attractive. Other times, it’s like WHOA, UGLY STICK!

[ducks]

9. “A very important in-depth analysis of early-90s style, featuring Jaromir Swagr” is the best thing you’ll read today.

I especially appreciate the scientific analysis of the ratio of the torso region to the leg region while he is wearing mom-jeans.

(h/t J)

10. Amazing pictures of Pittsburgh’s skyline taken this winter by Matt Robinson.

Couldn’t pick my favorite if there was an angry pigeon to my eyeball.

(h/t my dad)

11. Chatham University is holding a FREE fun-filled family-friendly Spring carnival complete with egg hunts, Easter Bunny photos, raffles, Haitian snacks, and more! And any proceeds or donations made are going to Haitian Families First!

Carnival2013

See you there? I’ll be the one with the little girl who is begging the balloon artist to make her a pigeon.

Mommy will POP THE SHIT OUT OF THAT THING.

[awkward kung fu moves]

12. And let’s end this post with some of my favorite tweets from awesome Burghers:

I don’t understand how I am the only person who starred that tweet. COME ON.

Thai McBistro would also be a great rapper name.


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Sports people doing stuff n’at

Lots of stuff happening in Pittsburgh sports today, so let’s discuss that over coffee and these sugar-free York Peppermint Patties I bought that taste like actual mint-flavored poop, and please keep in mind that I have inadvertently tasted my baby’s poop, so I have an inkling of what mint-flavored poop would taste like.

This has gotten awkward.

Ahem.

1. You remember Jeremy Bloom, right? The Olympic skier/fashion model/Pittsburgh Steeler? The ladies of Pittsburgh loved to look at his abs and his face and we liked to shake cute little threatening fists at the Steelers should they consider cutting him from the team, and then we went all [awkward kung fu moves] when they did cut him from the team before any of us had a chance to self-unite to him.

Jeremy is more than a face because he has this amazing nonprofit he started Wish of a Lifetime, which is kind of like Make-A-Wish for the elderly — helping them fulfill their lifelong dreams before their time runs out.

Not only is Jeremy a really good egg packed in a perfect perfect perfect outer shell, he’s also single and therefore will be on a summer reality dating show called The Choice, hosted by the super leggy Cat Deeley:

Reality stars DJ Pauly D and Rob Kardashian, model Tyson Beckford, pro football superstars Rob Gronkowski and Ndamukong Suh, singer Joe Jonas and actors Carmen Electra and Dean Cain are among the celebrities who will vie for love on the hottest summer dating show, THE CHOICE, which debuts Thursday, June 7 (9:00-10:00 PM ET/PT) on FOX. Hosted by Cat Deeley, THE CHOICE is the ultimate blind date for celebrity bachelors and bachelorettes competing for the hearts of attractive singles—they can’t see.

Ndamukong Suh? Did someone have their fingers placed incorrectly on the keyboard before typing that?

Which, my God, that’d be a great way for George Lucas to come up with Star Wars names. Let me try it.

Hsr Hsr Vubjd.

The Dark Lord Hsr Hsr Vubjd.

Brill.

Also:

2. Hines Ward took batting practice with Clint Hurdle.

 The guy pitching batting practice early Thursday in PNC Park to Hines Ward, and gregariously enjoying it, was Clint Hurdle. Unlike some others who maybe couldn’t ignore their athletic-challenge DNAs against the recently retired NFL and Steelers great, the Bucs manager figured he’d be good for teeing up some cookies.

“I tried to throw it where he’s swinging, trying to find his happy spot,” Hurdle said. “Hey, he’s a top-of-the-lineup guy. He can really run. Like I tell our young players, if they can run and hit fly balls, there’s a job for them: It’s at WalMart.”

Is there a sign-up form somewhere at PNC Park or do only retired athletes get to do this?

Lucky.

3. The Duke of Fug is still whining about Haley. At least that’s how I read this:

“That one’s a little harder than the Miami ones I was doing,” Roethlisberger said after he left another of Haley’s classes Wednesday at the Steelers facility on the South Side. “I joke and say that my final paper for Miami on Tibet was a lot easier than the Rosetta Stone we’re doing now here.”

“Right now, we’re practicing the pass because it’s more complicated,” Roethlisberger said. “Steelers fans and coach Tomlin and the Rooneys apparently thought B.A. was throwing the ball too much. But yesterday in coach Haley’s office, we were talking about using the no-huddle and throwing the ball and how much we have to use our weapons.”

That sounds like Ben is saying the Steelers claimed to get rid of Bruce Arians because he was passing too much, but that Haley is all about the pass too. Which to me sounds a lot like whining.

You?

I mean, I love Bruce Arians, but shut up about Bruce Arians, Ben.

4.  A Murrysville girl who has officially been dubbed the Freaking Luckiest Girl Alive by me, won the opportunity to take father-of-four Pascal Dupuis to school!

How come I never had or have this kind of luck? I’ve never won anything by chance. I’ve never once gotten through on the radio to win a contest. The busy signal is my earworm. I’ve never won more than a buck off of a scratch off. I’ve never even found a bag of money on my doorstep. WHAT GIVES, UNIVERSE?!

5. The Pittsburgh Passion have begun that thing where they decimate their opponents by 49-0 as they did recently to Cleveland.

They’re 3-0 for the season so far.

[snap] You go, goils. [snap snap] [head swivel]

Check out their commercials. All kinds of awesome:

YouTube Preview Image YouTube Preview Image

6. And so we make sure we hit all the professional sports teams in Pittsburgh … The Power still exist.

There you go.


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Random n’at

1.  “I’m pretty sure it hissed at me” is what I said to my husband this morning when I frantically jumped on him in bed to wake him up and beg him to come to the basement to kill a spider as big as a golf ball. And I don’t mean a spider with a teeny tiny BB body and long skinny legs. I mean a spider with enough meat mass that there is currently a big blob of yellow guts on the floor of my basement. A Texas-sized spider. A spider with a big bulbous body and short thick, surprisingly fast legs. A spider that looks like a tarantula and a cricket had weird bug sex.

It oozed. It crunched. It spurted. It screeched. It returned to the Devil from whence it came.

[shudder]

I might have to set fire to my basement.

2. I don’t have any idea why the new Primero Noticias weatherman dresses like an airline pilot, do you?

These are the things you learn in a semi-Spanish-speaking home.

I miss the weathergirl who called it “Ponx-soo-tway-nee.”

3. Dancing with the Celebrities of Pittsburgh was held this past weekend, which allowed me to stumble upon this video that not only shows dance god Bob Pompeani in practice for the event, but also shows Sonni Abatta’s past performance in which she is seriously too hot.

Well, that was a special treat!

I’d like to see a dance off between Bob, Sonni, and probably Big Bob from 96.1. He’d kill that shit.

4. Leadership Pittsburgh’s Pop-Up Pittsburgh project “We Do. (Take Two.)” is a mass vow renewal celebrating Upper Lawrenceville love:

An Upper Lawrenceville Love Story invites Upper Lawrenceville residents, their friends and families, along with other Pittsburgh-area lovebirds, to make a commitment to each other, and this vibrant neighborhood, through a mass vow renewal.

Other cool things:

  • Live music (3-5 p.m.) by Upper Lawrenceville’s own, Slim Forsythe and his New Payday Loners;
  • A collaborative-baking attempt at Pittsburgh’s Largest Cookie Table (there’ll be treats for your furry friends, too!). Help us by bringing a dozen or two of your favorites;
  • A documentary highlighting Upper Lawrenceville will premiere at the event;
  • Family friendly food and drink, fun and games!

They had me at cookie table. Learn more and register at popuppittsburgh.com.

5. Internet, there is a God:

… and he has blessed us with the plentiful, quenching rains of the Flyers’ tears.

6. Those of you out near Robert Morris might enjoy this:

Just Between Friends consignment sale is coming up next weekend (May 18-20) at the RMU Island Sports Dome at Neville Island. Prices are heavily discounted (50-90% off) and a majority of items that don’t sell are donated to Focus on Renewal in McKees Rocks.

I love consignment sales.

7. Always, always, always … when you walk in Downtown Pittsburgh … look up.  You might spy Abe Lincoln!

(h/t Jen)

8. Best use of alliteration in a headline ever?

Did they also pick a peck of pickled peppers? Bravo, Trib.

Now, go shit yourself. 

I’m JUST KIDDING.

Get Depends first.

(h/t Angry Mongo)

9. Burgher Jesse Landis-Eigsti continues to blow my mind with his incredible reviews over at Jesse Reviews the World. Right now, Jesse is reviewing all three episodes of the Star Wars prequel. He has the first two reviews up and they are just phenomenal. A snippet from the review of Episode II:

I just want to have want to play a quick game here with George Lucas called You Might Think…But!

You Might Think that the most romantic place for your leads to fall in love is in a beautiful fairy-land paradise But it actually removes any sense of danger (remember how Natalie is being pursued by assassins? Neither does the movie; that plot point does not reappear) while making your heroes seem like spoiled sophisticates who thought it would be a lark to travel to Thomas Kinkade-land.

You Might Think that having Anakin describing his love in superlatives (“The thought of not being with you…I can’t breathe! I’m haunted by the kiss you should never have given me…you are in my very soul.”) means his love is extra special, But it actually makes him seem like a teen scribbling love notes in his binder he got from Hot Topic. Remember, you can tell a love story with only five words (“I love you!” “I know.”) or no words at all (WALL-E holds EVE’s hand, everyone cries).

You Might Think that comparing Natalie’s smooth skin to sand is really hot But I am not sure why you would think that.

Go read them both. He seriously has George Lucas’ number.

10. After spending a fortune on wine kiosks that laughed in your face and made it harder for you to buy wine, the PLCB (slogan: “We say who. We say when. We say who.”) has spent $100,000 on an iPhone app to make it easier for you to find your alcohol of choice. They either want to stand in your way with their big shield of obsolescence, or give you a boost up on the horse that will speedily deliver you to the sweet nectar of hops.

Is the PLCB the most schizophrenic government entity in all of America?

Phrase your answer in the form of HELLS YEAH!

 


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Wah!

So many posts today! But the good stuff keeps rolling in.

A bar in Philly called Nodding Hill is serving a beer called Crosby Tears:

CROSBY TEARS – $6.50 : STRONG ALE (8.7%ABV)… WHINE-LIKE IN “HONOR” OF ITS NAMESAKE… ORANGE HUED LIKE THE TEAM THAT SENT HIM HOME FOR THE SUMMER… THE PERFECT COMPLEMENT TO A PLAYOFF RUN

I can’t even retort that, it’s so genius. I wish a local bar had thought to have a Brady Tears beer. I’d be drunk ALL THE TIME IN EVERY WAY FOR EVER AFTER AMEN.

But, yeah, my hate grows. My kingdom to the person who brings me any Flyer’s balls on a stick.

(h/t Julie C-K)


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Random n’at

1. I never go to the symphony, but classical music always gives me goosebumps and I wonder why I don’t go to the symphony? My brother-in-law Muchacho, who Tina Fey refers to as the Sports Idiot Savant, is a classical music fan, so in his car he’s either listening to The Fan, or Beethoven. So he’ll appreciate this. Go check out a new post over at Pittsburgh Magazine featuring the four finalists in the PSO’s online soloist hunt.

I’m not revealing my favorite until Manfred Honeck chooses the winner, but who is yours?

Also, as indicated in the post, is it weird that I can still play the Star Wars theme on a recorder? Something I learned in THIRD GRADE?

2. Hockey season is over. This is probably old, but it’s new to me. And it is magnificent.

I literally cannot stop watching it. Somebody needs to pay me to watch it because I’m so good at it.

Also, raise your hand if you just said something in your head about Kris Letang and poking and “mmmrowr.”

You dirty.

(h/t @djlunchbox)

3. If you’re a pet lover, you will love this event. $35 gets you a 10-minute portrait session with photographer Nicole Begley at West Park in the North Side. The event is June 9, all day, and it benefits the Western Pennsylvania Humane Society. 

Somebody bring a baby hedgehog to the shoot and then send me the pictures please! I need more baby hedgehogs in my life.

See?

Baby Hedgehog

I’ve named him Schmoopsie and he is my bunnybumpkin.

Did you just die from cute?

4. Let’s take a vote. Who is the scumiest scum of the earth?

Anyone who would tamper with a school bus to the point that the wheels fall off and endanger the lives of dozens and dozens of innocent children?

Anyone who would vandalize a park dedicated to an officer of the law who was gunned down in cold blood while serving in the line of duty?

Ah, screw it. They both can win!

Assholes like that should receive in the mail every single day a postcard with Mister Rogers’ face on it and the words, “That wasn’t very neighborly of you.”

5. Speaking of Mister Rogers, I’m super excited for this. 

I’m also hopeful to have an interview up soon with the director of Mister Rogers & Me.  Like Roberto Clemente, if all you know about Mister Rogers is the very basics, I cannot encourage you enough to dig a little deeper into his life. It is an amazing, uplifting, affirming story in every single way.

Those men are better than self-united husbands. They’re my heroes.

6. Market Square has $5 valet parking now! And no, it’s not just for patrons of Market Square. It’s simply an effort to bring more people into downtown to spend money. Every day starting at 5 p.m., you can leave your car at the valet in Market Square until midnight for $5. No dealing with garages or lots or meters.  Give it a try, says this Market Square business owner with a vested interest!

7.  If you’re not one of the ten million viewers to the new Dark Knight Rises trailer that was posted just five days ago, here you go!

YouTube Preview Image

I’m excited! To see the mayor fall into a pit of doom! Just kidding, Lukey.

8. My new addiction. The Pittsburgh History Journal!

9. Pittsburgh was the only city to gain private sector jobs over the last four years of 16 cities that were in this benchmark study.

(h/t Popcity for the link and Angry Mongo for the graphic)

10. Remember Pedro Alvarez? He of the .064 batting average? He who I kept saying to, “Just swing, Pedro!” He who I prayed Roberto would lead down the path to awesomeness?

In just the last six games, he is batting .478 with eight RBIs!

But unfortunately, like the Cheese Touch, you can’t seem to get rid of Pirate Suck; you can only pass it on to someone else and Pedro passed it on to A.J. Burnett who went from a 1.38 ERA to a 8.34 in ONE GAME.

I just can’t stand it.


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