Archive for the 'Random'

Random n’at

1. A text from my mom after I replied “LOL” to the preceding text from her telling me I am to design her new kitchen: “No LOL unless you mean Lots Of Love because I am DEAD SERIOUS. And so is YOUR FATHER.” Of course I responded LOL to that and then her head exploded. 2. Russell Martin reportedly wants AT LEAST $75 million over five years.  Choose one of these reaction gifs. All are appropriate.     Maybe not the last one; I just love that...
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My car tahr is on fahr.

As you know, Pittsburgh was determined by the readership of Gawker to have America’s Ugliest Accent. Now before you get your Steelers boxers in a bunch and start constructing a thousand-word comment on the Gawker piece in which you use phrases like barf breathers and SONSAJAGOFFBITCHES … read what I wrote. (Sometimes you write something and you think, “This isn’t bad.” And then you drink a shot of tequila and the phrase “putrescence of tongue”...
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What I would have said …

I was asked recently by a local nonprofit to speak briefly to a group of disabled young adults about social media and how they can use it to effect change. For every ten times I get asked to speak, I say no to nine of them. This one I said yes to because it’s a subject I feel I truly have something valuable to say on — sentence-ending prepositions and all. After agreeing, I received an email letting me know quite kindly, complimentarily and apologetically that they no longer...
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Random n’at

1. … “So I says to my friend, I says, ‘I like to blog occasionally so’s I don’t forget my WordPress password.’” 2. My new front door has a speakeasy (basically it is this door) and the reason it has a speakeasy is because when we were hunting for a new front door, I learned you can have a front door with a speakeasy and suddenly I had a lot of plans in my head for reenacting the Miracle Max scene from The Princess Bride, so I decided my front door...
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In which I say “bullshit” a lot, quit the NFL, unfollow the Steelers, and piss off all of Pens Twitter.

You know, you turn 40 and you just do not have time for anyone’s bullshit anymore. Life is flying past and you realize yours is halfway over and the second you see bullshit? KABLOOEY. You throat-punch it. Destroy it. Tell it that its mother is so stupid she went to the beach to surf the internet (stolen joke, FYI.) You start to understand why the elderly will say anything they damn well please. They are nearing death and they do not have time for your bullshit. I mean, in my 30s I...
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