Category Archives: Random
In which I say “bullshit” a lot, quit the NFL, unfollow the Steelers, and piss off all of Pens Twitter.
You know, you turn 40 and you just do not have time for anyone’s bullshit anymore.
Life is flying past and you realize yours is halfway over and the second you see bullshit? KABLOOEY.
You throat-punch it. Destroy it. Tell it that its mother is so stupid she went to the beach to surf the internet (stolen joke, FYI.) You start to understand why the elderly will say anything they damn well please. They are nearing death and they do not have time for your bullshit.
I mean, in my 30s I was already pretty good at calling out people’s bullshit, I think you’d agree, Luke Ravenstahl. But man, now that I’m 40? Watch your back, bullshit; PittGirl will stab you with a rusty knife before she sets you on fire.
Note … this is how you say “bullshit” in sign language:
You’re welcome. When I’m 90 and completely deaf, I am going to use that A LOT.
Anyway, I can’t deal with it. I won’t.
Last week after my husband spent two weeks being nice to a company over replacing our under-warranty broken fridge, I had had it. I called the company, flipped out, threatened to sit in their parking lot with a bullhorn warning other customers away (“And guess what? I work from home, so I’ve got the time to do it.”), and had a new fridge in my home the very next morning.
So bearing in mind I am a crotchety old elderly lady who doesn’t have time for bullshit anymore, you can imagine how I’ve taken to the news of the Steelers’ marijuana arrests and the Ray Rice debacle.
I did what I needed to do. I quit the NFL yesterday, and wrote why for Pittsburgh Magazine. And I feel good about it.
I’m not going to be party to their bullshit anymore. I’m out. Ok, bye.
Then this morning, the Steelers twitter account tweeted this absurdly ridiculous nonsense:
UGH. I don’t care who these men are, because the Steelers don’t tell us. It just looks like a picture of some smiling fans in front of a 9/11 banner. That’s how they chose to illustrate #neverforget.
Nope. Unfollowed ‘em.
Then I see this from the Penguins’ official Twitter account.
You’re going to ask your half a million followers to fill up some unknown schmuck’s mentions column and you’re going to do that under the guise of any sort of professional social media experience?
I had to call them on it.
No, I’m not that crazy and uptight that I don’t think anyone can use the phrase “blow up” on 9/11. But a professional social media account might want to think twice before using it in an official tweet on 9/11. But that’s not really what my issue was; I was just pointing out that poor choice of words.
The REAL issue is a professional social media account asking half a million followers to troll a guy. That’s just immature and unprofessional.
They have since issued an apology and deleted the tweet.
But now I have pissed off all of Pens Twitter and they are letting me HAVE IT. I mean, I’m being called names, being harassed, one Pens fan even tweeted he hopes I get hit by a car.
Another called me a c–t.
And guess how many shits I give? ZERO.
I don’t care if all 11,700 of my followers unfollow me.
I don’t care if the Steelers PR person emails me and gives me a good verbal lashing.
I don’t care if Sidney Crosby himself emails me and tells me to calm down.
I am 40; hear me stop giving a shit.
Grow up, whoever is running the Penguins’ Twitter account. Learn to social media better, whoever is running the Steelers’ Twitter account. Thousands of Americans died. You did a poor job of paying tribute to them. You angry fans tweeting me profanity, threats, insults and nonsense, NOW who’s overreacting?
This is me calling out my lifetime bank, PNC Bank, for a shady fee practice because I want you to know so you can be careful to not get hit with ridiculous charges like I was.
I needed to provide to a mortgage broker a breakdown of some recent deposit tickets to my account.
So I entered PNC Bank’s online system. I clicked on the deposit ticket link for each deposit I needed to show the checks from.
It displayed for me a picture of my deposit ticket. Here’s a snippet:
But I needed to show what those checks were, so I clicked “View Details.”
This came up. Again a snippet. Trying not to reveal important personal info here!
“View now.” GREAT. Click.
I can print or download the image at no additional charge? But I may be charged a fee? That’s confusing. So I clicked on “click here to review applicable fees.”
This came up:
Okay. So you can display the DEPOSIT TICKET for free. (Thanks, PNC!), but to display the images of the checks associated with the deposit ticket? “CLICK HERE.”
I clicked here. ANOTHER window pops up. What are we on now? Four?
Whew. Okay. I don’t use Virtual Wallet. I click on “ACCOUNT PRICING CENTER” and hey! It displays a FOUR PAGE PDF OF FEES. I first went to the Online Banking section, but there wasn’t anything there about displaying checks. Then I went to the correct section of the FOUR PAGE PDF:
“Self-service requests through online banking for items within a deposit ticket detail list.” I don’t see “display fee” anywhere. So clearly under “Images and Photocopy Requests” they mean if I ask them to email or print for me the image I display. Right? Great. I just want to bring the image up on my screen. Too bad I didn’t read down further to see there’s a separate section for mailing and faxing. They’ll mail you the deposit ticket copy for a dollar. But it will cost you $3 for them to mail you the check copy. Because they have to get on a camel and ride it across the desert to go into the vault to manually pull it out and copy it, I guess. But they keep the deposit tickets right on site, so it’s cheaper. Again, I’m guessing.
So I went back and clicked on the link to display the check image. And of course, each image came right up and ready to go for me to print or save to PDF.
But then a few days later:
WHOA! I was charged three dollars a pop to DISPLAY a check on my computer screen.
DISPLAY. DISPLAY FEE.
Is this my fault? Technically yes. I get it. My bad for not catching it properly.
Is PNC Bank ridiculous? Oh, yes. Because …
1. DISPLAY FEE? You charged me three dollars to bring an image of my check up on my screen?
2. If I had instead deposited these checks one by one, without a deposit ticket, I would not have been charged to display the images. It would have been free. But because I had to click one extra step to get to the check, it cost me $3 a pop.
3. I actually only displayed eight checks, but I got charged for ten, because I DISPLAYED two of the checks twice. ELL. OH. ELL. Gosh darn displayin’.
4. This is 2014. Are you telling me, PNC, that the only way for a consumer to know what this particular transaction is going to cost them, is to have them click through five different windows to download a four-page PDF? Don’t you have the capability to have your website bring up ONE window that says, “This will cost you $3, Virginia. Continue?”
Did I just blow your minds, PNC?
Either way, I called and expressed my displeasure at not only their practices to make it hard to figure out what you’ll be charged, but at flat-out charging people $3 to DISPLAY a check. They refunded half the charges.
Sure I screwed up by looking at the fee schedule and thinking if I don’t see “display fee” then they can’t charge me a “display fee.” I can’t help feeling though, that this is kind of screwed up.
Display fee. A fee to display a picture of your check. For three dollars.
WHOEVER HEARD OF SUCH MADNESS, MILEY CYRUS?!
Clearly I need to upgrade to Performance Checking. Or a different bank.
Does the anti-liquor privatization lobby make you want to punch faces like it makes me want to punch faces?
Then you’re in for a real treat because have you seen this commercial?
“So . . . *attempt at a confused look* . . . politicians want booze sold in stores where kids and teens go . . .?”
Wait. Wait just a minute. Are we supposed to leave our kids and teens in our cars when we go into the state liquor stores?! Crap. I’ve been just walking in to buy wine with my kids in tow. I let them look at the wine bottles. I am so embarrassed by this incredible parenting fail. Next time I’ll leave them in the car. Don’t worry. I’ll crack the window a bit because God forbid a child be in the presence of retail-ready alcohol containers. They could just grab one off the shelf and guzzle it down before you can say “Yo Gabba Gabba.”
It is so ridiculous and almost embarrassing for the union.
Remember when Huffington Post named Prantl’s Burnt Almond Torte “the greatest cake America has ever made?”
Well my family put that to the test recently by pitting Prantl’s versus Oakmont Bakery’s burnt almond torte cake.
Partygoers crowded around the person taking the test. We watched in absolute silence. We waited breathlessly for each decision as if Maury Povich was about to read paternity results. “When it comes to this cake . . . OAKMONT IS YOUR CHOICE!” *wild cheering and incredulous weeping*
Soon, it was tied. Siblings divided. Marriages splintering before our very eyes. We were so desperate for a winner that we attempted to have a 9-month-old baby cast a vote, but she just inhaled both pieces of cake and burped. What good are you, baby? We’re trying to do science here.
We were eyeing the dog as a possible voter, when we realized there was one cousin who hadn’t yet taken the test. This was it. The tie-breaker. For truth. For science. For cake.
He tasted. Chewed. Swallowed. Tasted. Chewed. Swallowed. Silence.
JUST TELL US ALREADY, MAURY!
Happy Memorial Day!
I’m turning 40 next week!
[CRIES ALL THE BITTER TEARS!]
1. I ranted.
I was heard.
I’ve got lots of local media folks pissed with me now.
But I 100% stand by what I wrote. Sometimes I write a rant and then a month later I’ll go back and read it and be like, “Bitch, who peed in your jar of Nutella? You need a chill pill the size of a horse tranquilizer.”
But this one? No. It’s 100% church and I 100% will fight for what I wrote.
[awkward kung fu moves]
2. Haitian Families First linked up kids in Haiti to be picture pen pals with kids at Sto-Rox Elementary, the Brashear Association, Grandview Elementary, Quaker Valley Middle School, and Shady Side Middle School and they’re selling some of the art to benefit their programs that work to keep families together in Haiti.
Details here. I’ll be there. BUYING ALL THE THINGS. If you bring your kid, they can create artwork that will get sent back to Haitian children in the HFF programs.
3. If you’re a Frozen fan (you are; you just don’t know it yet), then you’re going to love this episode of Pittsburgh Dad. I cannot choose my favorite line, but I’m leaning toward, “Dump a bag of rock salt on her. Movie over.” or “Don’t be a deer” or “Cut open the reindeer like a Tauntaun and throw her in ‘at!” So much goodness!
4. I bet the bomb squad just royally screwed up some poor Art Institute film student’s final project.
6. Golf Edgewood; raise money for kids with cancer. Win win.
7. Did you know that marathon weekend includes an official pet walk that benefits Animal Rescue League? I would take my dog for this walk, but he is 15, his teeth are falling out, he’s mostly blind, mostly deaf, and just the meanest little old man you ever met. You best get off his lawn before he burns you with his ancient pee.
8. I wrote about the hilarity that ensued at my cookie-table-less, hokey-pokey-less wedding in Mexico. Here’s a picture from it.
That’s the face of a man who at that moment realized what he got himself into. How do you say, “Oh, shit” in Spanish?
9. I also published my 2014 Burghy Mother’s Day Gift Guide! If you haven’t shopped for mom yet, snag her one of these ten Burghy gifts. Most all of them are locally made. Click the photo to be whisked away to the list:
I published this and then my mother went out and shopped the list, buying stuff off of it for herself, even an item I already purchased for her for Mother’s Day.
She’s doing it wrong.
10. Guys, when I started this blog, I was 32. A young woman. Sorta. Mother of one. Married six years.
I will be turning 40 next month. I’m a mother of two and on Cinco de Mayo, I’ll have been married for 14 years. I feel like if you’ve been reading me since the beginning, you’ve watched me grow up a bit here. Sorta.
I wrote about what turning 40 means to me and what it means for my relationship with Pittsburgh.
I am officially middle-aged. Mid-life. Half-death.
I no longer can gush about the new hottie on the Pirates, Penguins or Steelers teams without sounding like a cradle-robbing cougar. I’d rather be labeled anything than that. Even a “tunnel-braker.”
I now have two churches. The new one is the wrinkle-cream aisle at Target. The Sunday-paper circular is my Bible, and Olay is my god.
All hail Olay.
11. Your hilarious tweets as of late:
Grammar is important. Even in fortune cookies. pic.twitter.com/hF8G1Ei9QD
— Zach Frailey (@UprootedPhotos) April 26, 2014
No one looks more gay than straight guys in their engagement photos.
— Susie Meister (@susie_meister) April 25, 2014
I don't care how good your waffle taco is, people don't turn left in the morning. They only turn right and stop if it's on the way.
— Chris Lovett (@_chrislovett) April 25, 2014
Next time i go to starbucks, I'm going to tell them that my name is john jacob jingleheimer schmidt.
— Mr. Chachi Says (@chachisays) April 24, 2014
Just to see if anyone says Hey thats my name too!
— Mr. Chachi Says (@chachisays) April 24, 2014
I love living in a world where Chris Brown is in jail.
— Janelle Sheetz (@LittleJanelleS) April 24, 2014
Everything always has a new look, and some people feel things about it.
— Geoff Barnes (@texburgher) April 23, 2014
YO ADRIAN! pic.twitter.com/a9OV7a8yDl
— Steve Braband (@stevebraband) April 22, 2014
Pens need to call Geico because they need some INSURANCE Awesome tweet
— Christopher Fafalios (@chrisfafalios) April 22, 2014
i don't see the big deal, EVERY moon is a blood moon if the phases sync up with your menses
— sarah james (@cryingbaseball) April 15, 2014
Ok this game someone catch a foul ball IN BETWEEN A HOT DOG BUN.
— Sean Conboy (@SeanConPM) April 6, 2014
1. I’ll be taking the thermometer down tomorrow, but you can still donate if you want to be part of this year’s effort to bring gaming to three units within Children’s Hospital. After tomorrow, I’ll tell Woy, “Hey. I tried to take the thermometer off the sidebar and I think I screwed something up with [fingerquotes] widgets because I accidentally deleted my blog.”
Also, it was reader Brian who won the Pirates prize pack. I’m delivering it to him today!
2. Speaking of the Pirates, they are doing just fantastic this preseason because this is the year, and you’re like, “Last year was the year, Ginny.” And I’m all, “Last year was the year for a winning season. This year is the year for the … WORLD SERIES.”
Let me believe, you dream crusher and spirit squasher and hope hater.
Probably for sure 100% maybe going in this year’s Yinzer Holiday Gift Guide.
4. Also, Andrew pointed out that Bill Peduto had a scheduled 30-minute phone call with Pittsburgh rapper Mac Miller not too long ago.
Because why not?
5. This happened way back on Christmas and I forgot to post it, but I must. A photo of a driver fleeing a Parkway East crash.
Men of Earth, pull up your pants.
6. My self-united bestie Matt Lamanna discovered a new dinosaur, called it “the chicken from hell” and the national media is enthralled.
That’s one way Matt Lamanna describes Anzu wyliei, the species of dinosaur that he and fellow paleontologists unveiled Wednesday.
It’s not the only way, though. Feathered demon also works, which is why Anzu — derived from Sumerian mythology — was chosen as a name. Or you could characterize it, as Lamanna also told CNN, as a 600-pound cross between an ostrich and a velociraptor. And it’s “pretty damn close” to looking like the 6-foot-tall turkey a child famously referred to in the movie “Jurassic Park,” except a lot stranger and meaner looking.
7. Pittsburghers text while driving more than any other city in Pennsylvania, including those bastards suffering their lives away in Philadelphia.
I’m just going to say this to you if you feel you must send a text while driving:
“Siri, send a message to [name].”
“What would you like to say to [name]?”
“I’m on my way be there in five minutes.”
“Would you like me to send the message now?”
“Read it to me.”
“Your message to [name] says, ‘I’m on my way. Be there in five minutes.’ Would you like me to send it?”
“Okay. I sent your message.”
You honestly never need to look at your phone while driving if you have an iPhone. Just talk to Siri.
Unless you’re my husband, whose accent Siri just cannot figure out.
“Siri, send a message.”
“David, say focus for me.”
8. This is so cool. Reader Zachary discovered that if you do street view on Market Square and then drop yourself right in the center of the Square, Google Maps will go from present day Market Square to the old Market Square when the road went right down the middle.
I had fun poking around.
9. Here’s another cool pic, sent by Jarrett Rathke, taken by his father Bob Rathke in 1960. Derailed incline:
STUFF. OF. NIGHTMARES.
10. I wrote a bunch of stuff:
“In fact, a quick search of social media has users describing their coffee, hair and “day at school” as epic. You know what? Unless Barack Obama, Bono and Justin Timberlake were there to lead your trig class in the Funky Chicken before handing out giant bags of cash, I promise your school day wasn’t even in the same hemisphere as epic.”
They used “about half a dozen” to mean five because no one cares about five cars, but you can fool people into caring if it’s “about half a dozen” cars. For the same reason, you’re more likely to pay $19.99 than you are to pay $20 for something. For the same reason you won’t say, “I ate about half a dozen cookies” but will instead say, “I ate only five cookies.” It’s psychology. Or persuasive semantics. Or a sick cookie addiction brought on by those enablers at the Girl Scouts of America.
Perhaps you recognize it as the corner window from the second story of the old Wallace Building in East Liberty that recently was transformed into residential space. It’s painted with “Happy B-Day, Julia” — a sentiment that remained on the window for almost 10 years and became a sort of a public art display for those who strolled past.
That post. You gotta read the comments. Bunch of people lost their shit. And not in the good way. One chick on Twitter was so unhappy with me, she even posted that she would “stab that bitch.”