1.  Last month, in a flash of mommy brilliance, I mixed Flavor Blasted Pizza Goldfish with Parmesan Goldfish, gave it to my son for an after school snack and said, “No applause necessary.”

Then, last week in Target, I spy, what’s this here?  Goldfish Mix-Up Adventures!  Flavor Blasted Pizza Goldfish mixed with Parmesan Goldfish.

I’m pretty sure Pepperidge Farm owes me a couple million dollars.

2. Yesterday, thanks to hot bats and a homer from Garrett Effin’ Jones, the Buccos of Suckitude beat the World Champion Yankees.  Add this to the many many reasons you should hop on the bandwagon with me and donate five dollars to be eligible for some random prizes once the Pirates finally finally finally play .500 ball.

THIS IS THE YEAR!

3.  Speaking of the future World Champion Buccos of Suckitude (I can’t believe I just typed that either.  I think my Pollyannaitis might be flaring up), listen to this quote from pitcher Charlie Morton describing, well, I don’t know what the hell:

“The stuff felt fresh, and I was mostly down.”

Is that Snoop Dogg-speak? Next time someone asks me, “How are you?” I’m going to say, “The stuff felt fresh and I was mostly down, holla.”

4.  Antwaan Randle-El is a Steeler again, and this is weird … I can’t remember what I thought of him as a player while he was a Steeler.  It’s like I erased him from my memory.  So I hunted through my archives to see what I used to think about him.

I discovered I blamed the scientologists when he left.  That I was pissed at him, and that he apparently went “Slash” at one game, as evidenced by this ancient WTRT.

And that’s all I can find.  [shrug]

5.  However, check this out:

Randle El’s signing comes one day after the Steelers signed free-agent wide receiver Arnaz Battle from the San Francisco 49ers to a three-year, $3.9 million contract. The addition of Randle El and Battle gives the Steelers seven receivers, including Sweed and Tyler Grisham — two more than they kept on their 53-man roster last season.

NO!  NOT TYLER GRISHAM!

First I lost Jeremy Bloom and now it looks like I might lose Tyler Grisham.  [sigh]

At least I still have Daniel and Troy to look at.

(h/t Dave)

6.  15-year-old Mt. Lebanon resident Monica Oxenreiter has created her own nonprofit, complete with 501 (c) (3) status, and recognized by the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation.  Monica sent me an email saying:

My name is Monica Oxenreiter. I am 15 years old and live in Mt. Lebanon. I was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes when I was thirteen months old.  I have been involved in fundraising for diabetes research for as long as I can remember.  I came up with a great idea to raise money:  Raise $100 in every zip code in the United States. As there are 42,000 zip codes, this will hopefully raise over $4.2 million for the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation.

Isn’t that awesome?  Go check out the map, that once every zip code in America is sponsored, will be entirely green.  Right now, there’s tons and tons of yellow.  Visit Zip The Cure and sponsor your zip code!

What an amazing girl.  She’s the next Awesome Burgher and her crown is in the mail and by crown I mean, anything she needs, she just needs to ask me.

7.  When Melissa Hart lost her congressional re-election campaign to Rep. Jason Altmire, for some inexplicable reason she abandoned her old VW in the garage used by congresspeople, where it has rested for three years now, becoming a target for messages scrawled in the collecting dirt by members of the current congress or perhaps their staffers.

“I wish my wife was this dirty.”

Hee.

(h/t Jenn)

8.  Let’s close out with a Craigslist What the Effie, and boy, WHAT THE EFFIE?!

Dennis Roddy of the P-G: “So, she’s a minister’s daughter …”

My father: “Yeah. It’s hard to tell sometimes.”

Me: [GASP!]

My father and Dennis Roddy chatting is a very bad thing.  But not as bad as a short time later when I found my mother at the bar sandwiched between Jim Lokay and Dennis saying, “Well, her father and I just shake our heads and say, ‘That’s our Ginny.’”

Lies!  All lies!

Good news is I made almost $150 in tips for Make Room for Kids despite being the worst bartender in the world.

2.  Of course I have more to say about Benny’s recent troubles.  I’m waiting until he is charged or he isn’t charged before I write that up, though.  And those of you getting on me for quoting TMZ, they had the story first, so that’s who I quoted.  RELAX.

3.  The P-G says “a little-understood fungus” is killing bats.  I don’t hate bats.  Bats eats bugs.  Bats don’t poop in my hair.  Bats fly all around above my neighborhood and they never get closer than a football field to me.

What I’d like to know is this: where can we get some of this fungus and can we somehow infect the pigeons with it because why don’t we ever see a “Mysterious illness killing pigeons” headline?  With a sub-headline of “Virginia Montanez eyed as person of interest.”

4.  When my husband and I were newly married, we went to visit the Wendell August Forge in Grove City on our way back from visiting some friends in Toronto and we immediately fell in love with the place.  I loved the smells and the people and the store. I bought ornaments, and small plates stamped with the Pittsburgh skyline that sit atop my husband’s dresser to hold the various things he keeps in his pockets.  We bought my in-laws a big plate with the skyline on it, and they display it proudly on a shelf in their home in Cancun, Mexico.

The only remaining manufacturer of its kind in all of the US, the forge burned to the ground yesterday, but thankfully no one was hurt and the 2,000 unique dies were saved.

They’ll rebuild, and when they do, if you’ve never been there, you must go and experience it.

5.  Speaking of Toronto, last night I dreamed I was the only female player on the Penguins roster and it was awesome and then they traded me to Toronto and instead of agreeing to the trade, I shocked the world by retiring early so that I could remain in Pittsburgh.  Even in my dreams, I can’t imagine living anywhere else.

Tonight, I hope I dream about the locker room.  So I can snap Sidney on the butt with a wet towel.

I’ve been known to draw blood.

7.  Do not adjust your monitor.  This is really a background image used at McKechnie Field, spring home of the Buccos of Suckitude:

What in the name of crapping your baseball pants is that?!  An owl?  And if it is an owl, why the hell is there a giant owl on screen in the outfield when the Buccos are up at bat?  Is this some new motivational tool from that sports psychologist they hired?  Is he trying to scare the suck out of them?  If so, he should try pigeon eyes.

I know.  I want my mommy, too.

6.  Speaking of the Buccos of Suckitude, tomorrow, me and Burgh Baby’s mom will be kicking off a little blog contest for charity.  You’ll have to choose sides.  Choose wisely, and remember, THIS IS THE YEAR!

Mom: “Did you get a dress for the film office event on Sunday?”

Me: “Yeah, no.”

Mom: “When are you going to get one?”

Me: “I went looking yesterday and didn’t find anything I like.  Men are so lucky. They can just throw a suit on and be done with it.  Being a girl sucks.”

Mom: “Let’s go shopping today.”

Me: “Nah.  I’ll go shopping Sunday morning.”

Mom: “Are you NUTS?!”

Me: “Possibly.”

Mom: “What if you don’t find anything on Sunday?”

Me: “I have a backup dress I can wear.  Or maybe I can dress as a movie character that wears jeans or pants.”

Mom: “No.  For once in your life, dress like a girl.”

Me: “I’M HANGING UP NOW.”

God bless Moms.  I might go as Burt Reynolds, just to spite her.

2.  Puck Daddy is sponsoring a contest in which readers photoshop Sidney Crosby’s gold medal-winning ROAR into various other pictures.  I love the curling one and the Kraken one, but my favorite by far is this one:

I miss Glee.

[jazz hands!]

(h/t Spoon and CHARLES!)

3.  Three words.  Sidney. Crosby. Naked.

Maybe.

Also, ignore the part about Santonio Holmes, because the only adults who haven’t already seen him naked are dead people.

(h/t Scott)

4.  The Steelers have let Ryan Clark become a free agent after they failed to reach a deal with him, or as Clark puts it, “show him some love.”

I don’t really care if Clark stays or goes, but they better sign Daniel Sepulveda because if the Steelers fail to make the playoffs again, we’re going to need something pretty to look at, damn it!

5.  Watch the blog next week for an update on Make Room for Kids.  BIG THINGS HAPPENING!

6.  Nothing to do with Pittsburgh, everything to do with love.

Have tissues handy.

(h/t Catherine)

7.  George is shaving his head, too! There are going to be lots of bald Pittsburghers after St. Baldrick’s Day and when you see them, and you find out they shaved their hair for sick kids, you should hug them.

Donate to George if you can!

8.  Mike has partnered with the Art Institute of Pittsburgh to release some awesome Pittsburgh/Irish shirts for St. Patrick’s Day.

The challenge of reinventing the St. Patrick’s Day theme was set before a group of honor students at The Art Institute. The Design Studio class has accepted and excelled at many local design challenges, taking this year’s St. Patrick’s Day in stride. Ultimately the designs from student Lizz Guriel were chosen for production.

A portion of the proceeds  will benefit The Art Institute of Pittsburgh’s Education Foundation, creating scholarships for students.

Pittsburgh clover:

412Irish:

One more will be rolled out at some point today.

If you order $35 or more, you can use code MARCHSALE to take 15% off.

9.   In order to purchase beer at the select Giant Eagles that are selling it, you will be required to scan your license into a little card reader, allowing Giant Eagle to collect information on you.  This article at Boing Boing explores why that’s an invasion of privacy.

Can I just say, when the hell is the PLCB going to treat us like adults and realize that just because we can buy the devil’s brew in a grocery store doesn’t mean we’re going to go nuts and start throwing back six-packs right there in the grocery aisles, filling the store with scent of our beer-flavored belches?  That it doesn’t mean we’re going to start sending our children to the grocery store to buy beer?  That it doesn’t mean grocery stores are going to look at a 17-year-old and go, “Eh. Good enough.” When will the PLCB realize that almost every other state of the union has beer and wine stores that are privately owned and somehow, by the grace of God, the people of those states continue to function, the state somehow manages to function and doesn’t collapse in upon itself in a giant heap of alcohol-tainted vomit?

Oh, God.  I’m ranting about the PLCB again.  It never ends well.  I’m stopping.

(h/t CHARLES!)

How long until we see a Santonio tweet that says, “Cleaning my ears out.  Will post a picture of the Q-tip soon!”

One thing that can be said for sure about Santonio Holmes’ Twitter stream, he is most definitely keeping it real.

She has already responded to my email to claim the tickets.

2.  I understand the standing ovation for Ryan Miller last night. I really do.  In fact, hey, Ryan Miller? [BEWBS!]

But I will never understand any portion of our hometown crowd booing Sidney Crosby for winning a gold medal for his home country.

I bet deep down, Sid never expected to hear himself booed in Mellon Arena.

3.  Las Velas stuff.  First, today Las Velas is the Deal of the Day over at Groupon.  You can buy a $50 gift certificate for only $25.  Woo!

Second, I’ll be tending bar (with professional help) this Friday for Mariachi Night.  The reason I’ll be behind the bar is two-fold.  On one hand, it makes it easier for people to find me that might want to chitchat with me.  Last Mariachi Night, there were a lot of people I never got to talk to and didn’t realize they were there until the next day when they emailed me all, “I was there last night!”  COME TALK TO ME, DAMN IT! Also, I’m going to put a little tip jar out and all tips you put in there for me, I’ll donate to Make Room for Kids.  Maybe I’ll make enough for an extra DS or PSP!

Third, Las Velas will be open for the St. Patrick’s Day parade on March 13 starting at 8:00 a.m. for Mexican breakfast (CHILAQUILES!) and then also serving lunch with Irish tacos and Irish burritos.  I’ll be there for that too because I promised the husband I would lend him a hand that day.  You know.  ACTUALLY WORKING.  I bet he fires me before the day is over.

4.  Watch The Kraken shove a female fan (NOT PAPARAZZI) to the ground after the Olympics:

Click here to view the embedded video.

And they say chivalry is dead.

5.  Health officials in Vancouver supplied about 14 condoms per Olympic athlete and STILL had to have an emergency 8,500 additional condoms shipped to the Games in order to satisfy the demands of the Olympic sexcapades.

Related, upon hearing this news, Jeff Reed took up curling lessons.

(h/t Erica)

6.  A local woman had a decade-long pen-pal friendship with none other than J.D. Salinger.

So, here’s something I’m ashamed to admit.  I’ve read A LOT of books.  I read probably 40 books a year.  I took countless literature courses in high school and college.  I have never read Catcher in the Rye.

I’m going to change that starting this weekend.

7.  The Post-Gazette’s Bill Toland is a swell guy.  I can say that because I’ve met him in real life.  And he was swell.  He’s shaving his thick hair off for St. Baldrick’s day too, so if you haven’t yet donated to the cause, you can go to his page and do that.  He’s got a ways to go toward his $3,000 goal.  IT’S FOR SICK KIDS!

8.  Reader Tico found former KDKA news hottie Sonni Abatta’s doppleganger, Olympian Tanith Belbin.

HELL of a resemblance, I think.

9.  Finally, let’s have a look at some Facebook groups you can join!

• You can join 79 members of the “Pittsburgh Pirates Still Have Fans” group or the 23 members of the“I Believe the Pittsburgh Pirates Will Eventually Win the World Series” group.  Eventually is a long time.  I might join that group.  Eventually.
• You might want to become the 106th member of “My Name is Luke Ravenstahl. What’s a Snow Plow?”
• “God is Jeff Reed!!!!” has 16 members and four exclamation points, but there are 69 people that think “Santonio Holmes is My Savior.” but only 18 attend “The Church of Santonio Holmes.”
• GASP!  There is a group called “Pittsburgh Sucks” and they are using one of MY What They’re Really Thinking pictures as a group avatar.  SACRILEGE!  I heart Pittsburgh, you assholes!
• “National Hate Sidney Crosby Day” has almost 70,000 fans.  All of whom might want to grow up a little bit.
• You can join the other 845 people belonging to the religious group “Hating Sidney Crosby.”
• You can join 81 fans who think “Sidney Crosby sucks” or 23 fans who think “Sidney Crosby blows.”  Suck or blow.  Decisions decisions.

Somewhere, Jeff Reed’s ears just perked up all, “Did someone say suck and blow?”

Gosh, I’ve been picking on Skippy a lot over these last two days.  I’m going to be nice to him for the rest of this week.