Category Archives: Weather

An inexact rodent science

Let’s check in on how all the groundhogs did in predicting the spring/winter weather yesterday:

You guys? I’m starting to think groundhogs aren’t real meteorologists.


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Random n’at

1. I just read all of my Post-Gazettes from last Wednesday to yesterday, so this post is going to be BIZZONKERS!

You’ve been warned.

2. Yesterday at church I learned about Mephibosheth and I tell you this so you understand that Mephibosheth would make a kickass Amish rock band name. First single — “I don’t need no electricity, ’cause baby you light my fire.”

3. Bizzonkers is the new cray-cray.

[throws signs]

4. This past weekend, Joe Paterno died on Twitter and then he died in real life 18 hours later.

It’s true — I will never ever ever understand what it’s like to be a Penn Stater, and I’ll never understand that kind of devotion to a football coach, and I’ll never understand why Sandusky wasn’t stopped a decade sooner, but I understand loss, so I’ll just say my condolences to those who love him.

5. Geno is beast. Beast. Sexy beast. He gets hotter with every goal he scores and every game he saves and if he wins three more games for us I am going to go all [BEWBS] like never before and nickname him Sexgoal.

Also, Mikey and BigBob found this sweet shirt:

It is score.

6.Well, it is official. Jimmy Krenn is out at DVE and Scott Paulsen is back in a partial fashion.

Hopefully this leads to exciting things for Jim.

7. Snow, ice, rain, sun, warmth, snot-freezing cold. We’ve had it all in the space of three days and this Zits cartoon really got it right.

Next time a storm is rolling in, I dare Demetrius Ivory or Scott Harbaugh to be all, “Well, prepare to get a giant painful wedgie courtesy of Mother Nature this weekend.”

8. I love trivia. Trivial Pursuit is kinda my bitch and I used to love playing trivia at Bud Murphy’s in Connellsville. If you love trivia, put a team of co-workers together and have your company enroll you in the Greater Pittsburgh Literacy Council Trivia Bowl! 

Show your smarts for a good cause!

9. A PAT driver left his seat at the wheel and assaulted a rider for apparently no reason while the bus was in motion, lied about it, got busted by surveillance video, and has remained on the job since that January 8 incident,  while the Port Authority plans a hearing to determine if disciplinary action is warranted.

Hey, one of you go punch one of your customer’s lights out, get it on video, lie about it and let me know if you still have your job in two weeks. KTHXBAI.

10. February 10 and 11 is the second annual Chachi Plays for Kids marathon during which Anthony “Chachi” Walker will play video games at the Toonseum for 24 straight hours to benefit the Toonseum and the Father Ryan Arts Center.  Chachi picks a new charity each year and raised money for Make Room for Kids last year. This year I’m honored Anthony asked me to take the first slot at 7:00 p.m. on February 10 for a rematch of Mario Kart.

If Trivial Pursuit is my bitch, Mario Kart is my super-bitch sisterwife.  Chachi is going to be spending an hour slipping on my banana peels. That’s not a euphemism.

You can donate here!

11. Mayor Lukey’s Tim Tebow jersey, autographed by Mayor Lukey — NOT TIM TEBOW, sold for $1,400 on eBay.

I have a suspicion the Dread Lord Zober won it and is either using it as a Lukey voodoo doll all STAB DIE STAB, or is holding it to his face every chance he gets to breathe in the sweet sweet smell of his hizzoner master. Either or.

12. Finally, the Pittsburgh Google office was named one of the 15 coolest offices in technology by Business Insider. I had toured Google’s old site, which was mind blowing (HELLO, FREAKING DESSERT FREAKING BAR FREAKING), so I need to go right now and bug some Google peeps about a tour of this new site.


(h/t James, who pointed out that they missed the fact that the catwalk pays homage to the Smithfield Street Bridge.)

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Random n’at.

1. As I tweeted and mentioned in the post below, my newest band name is Holy Mother of Thundersnow.

I’ve got the air drums, so if you’re skilled at air guitar, air keyboarding, or lip synching, you can be in my band.

We’ll have groupies and they’ll be called Thundersnowbunnies.

Like the juggalos, only cuter.

2. Found on IR Steeler Baron Batch’s Twitter page:

I don’t care who you are, that’s just funny.

Also, as John Carman once said on Twitter, “I think she’s a Person of Walmart.”

3. I pinned this on my Pinterest page because it made me belly laugh:

Then I made this one because seriously, WTF HAPPENED TO KEN!?

Burgh Baby has a post up in which her daughter’s new Ken doll has EYELINER, lip gloss and manpris.

She draws the perfect Adam Lambert comparison.

4. Ryan Clark is out against Denver because if he plays HE COULD DIE.


But he wants to play. Even though he could die.


Men are foolish. This is why women live longer.


5. Pittsburgh is in. Portland is out.

Suck it, Portland.

(h/t Bill Peduto and Rose on twitter)

6. Tonight on Fox, “Mobbed” premieres, with host Howie Mandel and featuring Punchline’s singer, who will be using a flash mob to reveal his feeling to a girl he hadn’t yet met in person.

7. This:

When McGuire used his Taser on Ginocchi, police said it had no effect because it struck a cellphone in his pocket.

Or, OR! He’s taser-resistant!

Still a thing.

8. And this:

Police have cited a man for disorderly conduct for allegedly chaining himself inside his car while parked outside a western Pennsylvania drug store and dressed as a woman.

When police arrived, the man told them he had restrained himself because he had come to buy his wife a drink at the store, but found it difficult to work up the courage to enter the store dressed as a woman.A police report says the suspect chained himself “to build himself up to going into the store dressed like a woman.”

I don’t know about you, but I always chain myself up when I’m trying to build up my courage.

“I gotta go get a root canal. Where are the chains?”

Oh, Fayette County, you win. Always.

9. Art Rooney Sr.’s great granddaughter is the next Megan Fox?

10. Finally, if you haven’t seen in yet, the new Hairway to Seven shirt:

Which is funny because the first album by my air band Holy Mother of Thundersnow is Airway to Heaven.

OMG, YOU GUYS! I just Googled “Hairway to Seven” and Google was sure I meant “Hairway to Steven” and check this out!

Hairway to Steven is the fourth full-length studio album by American punk band Butthole Surfers.



They win.

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Holiday reading

You know that scene in the Matrix: Revolutions where Neo is engaged in his final battle with Agent Smith and he extends his hand out and then uses his fingers to beckon the It as in “bring It?”

This post on Pittsburgh Magazine may prove that I am Neo and the Karma Boomerang is Agent Smith, except I don’t think I’ll be able to bend over backwards at the waist to avoid the boomerang’s return path.

A snippet:

The Post-Gazette actually led their winter weather forecast article with “Apocalypse! Doomsday! Armageddon!” and then proceeded to warn us of “Below-average temperatures. Above-average precipitation. A cold snap for the holidays—all of them.” They reported we should expect a brutally cold December with temperatures five to 10 degrees below normal.

There’s a bonus punkin’ chunkin’ video in there too!

Also up on the site is my January column in which I take a look at some lists Pittsburgh made in 2011. A snippet:

(wink) We’re the most flirtatious city in the whole country. (eyelash flutter) No. 1! (“accidental” caress of your arm) In my opinion, this is just fine, as long as you aren’t using that ridiculous “Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?” line — unless you’re talking to Sidney Crosby … because it may have really hurt when he fell from heaven.

Also new this month is that the column now appears on the inside back page, so it will be easier for you to find in the mag, and it now features cartoons by Wayno!


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Random n’at

1. Oh! And, and, AND! I forgot to tell you this. Last night I had Scarehouse nightmares and at one point I was walking through the Scarehouse alone and there was suddenly this horrible loud noise and I woke up PUNCHING THE AIR.

My husband looked at me like I had lost my mind. I asked him to say Vapor Rub for me.

I may never sleep again.

2. You’ve probably seen this already, but for those of you who haven’t, the new Head n’ Shoulders commercial featuring not only Troysus, but Brett and Hines as well!

YouTube Preview Image

I want my hair to wave around like that.

And here’s Hines teaching Troysus and Brett how to dance, because WE WILL NEVER BE FREE FROM DANCING WITH THE STARS.

YouTube Preview Image

3. Someone on twitter (@secretninjamom) tweeted to Scott Harbaugh that she was pretty sure it was snowing in Oakland, to which he said at 44 degrees, that’s not likely. She then said that it was clear and had a shape and if that’s not snow, what is it.

Guess what? IT HAS A NAME:

Are you kidding me? It’s not enough that we have snow, sleet, hail, and freezing fog, which I’m still pretty sure is a totally made up thing, but now we have a totally real thing that sounds like a made up thing. GRAUPEL. It sounds like the cousin of the R.O.U.S. The Graupel. EEK!

All I know is that it is October 20. The precipitation should not even be SLIGHTLY frozen.

4. Target Office Products is donating a pencil and sketchbook to The Education Partnership, the storehouse where teachers can shop for free, for every single person that likes the Education Partnership page on Facebook. One easy click to help Pittsburgh’s teachers and students out!

5. Chevrolet is on the road and the road starts in Bridgeville. Very cool.

6. William Dietrich is a retired steel executive who died recently and just prior to his death and now following his death at 73 on October 3, he is unloading a massive amount of wealth onto Pittsburgh’s charities:

  • Pitt: $125 million
  • CMU: $265 million
  • Pittsburgh Foundation: $18.1 million
  • Duquesne University: $12.5 million
  • Chatham University: $5 million
  • Cultural Trust: $5 million
  • Carnegie Museums: $5 million
  • Boy Scouts: $5 million

All told? $440.6 million donated so far.

I can’t even. Wow.

7. Yesterday I told you that you probably shouldn’t tell the local news crew that you left your son in a Taco Bell parking lot and told him to go find a new family. Today, I’d like to tell you that you probably shouldn’t tell a news crew that you couldn’t have committed the crime you are being arrested for because you were “back at the crib, chillin’, smoking some weed.” What the hell is wrong with people?

Also, Ari Hait. Still a peanut. Love that guy.

8. Actual news headlines about the animal carnage in Ohio:

  • “Zanesville 911 calls: “Just heard a lion roar in the woods”
  • “It’s like Noah’s Ark wrecking right here in Ohio”
  • “Lone monkey with Hepatitis on the loose”
  • “Zanesville animal escape: Which one is most terrifying?”
  • “Ohio town under siege as animals take control” (not making that up)
  • “Buckeye State is longtime leader in breakaway beasts”
  • “Too much monkey business”
  • “The ultimate *#&$ you?” (God bless Australia)
  • “Stay out of the woods in Eastern Ohio”
  • “Hide yo kids!!”
  • “Lions, Tigers, and Bears, OHIO!” (srsly)
  • “Things are getting biblical in Ohio”

Jumanji indeed.

9. I’m already nervous about the Patriots and we don’t even play them for another week. I’m lathering up all my hate and I plan to unleash it with epicness on my Tom Brady voodoo doll. BALLS ON A STICK, PEOPLE.

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