Category Archives: Weird Burghers

The stupid. It hurts.

I haven’t written anything about the Pitt bomb threats since my lone post a few weeks back, and I’m pretty sure you heard me roll my eyes when the wittily named “The Threateners” said they would stop the threats if the $50,000 reward was pulled. I mean, The Threateners?! That’s the best these morons could come up with?

Let me help you:

The Scourge.

Malice Mongers.

Tribulation of Fire.

Cosmic Chaos.

Wait. That’s a Kennywood ride. Anyway, the fact that the group or individual that was making bomb threats decided to call themselves “The Threateners” confirmed my suspicions that there is lint between my toes with more smarts than they have.

And if you thought I rolled my eyes to the point of no return over The Threateners demanding the reward be rescinded, then surely you felt the reverberations as I slammed my head against the wall over and over again when a group claiming to be with the widely known Anonymous said they hacked into Pitt’s servers and accessed a whole host of private information on students. Things like social security numbers and birth dates and credit card numbers and addresses and more.

I used to kind of enjoy Anonymous’ hijinks and shenanigans, but if this is indeed Anonymous’ doing, they completely lost me when they revealed their demands of Pitt.

The video claims students who had complained to the school’s administration tipped off Anonymous to the vulnerabilities.  

Anonymous said it has deleted the data from the University’s server to prevent other hackers from getting the information.  It has called on the university to make the needed security changes, inform those whose information has been compromised and post an apology on its main page for at least 15 days.  The video says if the demands are not met the group will release the data on its own.

You see? They are angry that Pitt is risking student information which could harm the students if that information was hacked into. Therefore, they claim they stole that information and if Pitt doesn’t apologize to those students who Anonymous wants to protect, then Anonymous will hurt the students by releasing the info.


That’s like being a cat lover, so you steal your neighbor’s cat which you are sure is at risk living in filth, and then you call your neighbor and you say, “I have your cat. You better apologize to Mister Fancypants Magee for your poor treatment of him, or I will cut his legs off one by one.”

Dumbest thing you ever heard, right?

Maybe Anonymous and The Threateners can get together to kidnap a kid, then demand ransom, and then say they will hurt the kid if their demands for ransom ARE met.

Not even Horatio Caine would see that one coming, but he would be all, “Somewhere, a nation of doofi …”

“… are missing their king.”

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Random n’at

1. There will be a new history post next week. Over the course of the last week, I have probably put six hours of research time into it and all it has done is give me about 30 other things I want to research about Pittsburgh’s history, particularly the 1885 to 1930 period.

I seriously might need an intervention soon, you guys. Or a time machine.

2. Corporate speak!

Are we stuck in a Dilbert strip? Is that an actual organization? What does it even do?

The preeminent worldwide organization for mergers and acquisitions and corporate professionals.

This reminds me, how is the Pittsburgh Chapter of the Organization for the Actualization of Increased Revenues doing these days?

3. Go check out this picture of a telephone pole in Connellsville, Fayette County.

I refuse to believe that’s real. I have made mud pies that were more structurally sound. And there’s no warning. No caution tape around it. No orange cone. No sign that says “HERE BE CERTAIN CRUSHING DEATH.”

God bless Fayette County.

4. Pittsburgh has an all-girls FIRST robotics team named Girls of Steel made up of female high school students who dress like Rosie the Riveter and take part in robotics competitions and I AM SUPER IMPRESSED! You must go read all about them, check out their awesome build pictures, and be inspired.

As a zombie once said, “Brains are hot.”

(h/t Kelly)

5. A Fayette County prisoner hid a cellphone and a charger in his prosthetic leg.

This is called taking the lemons life throws at you and making lemonade. Just like I can take the lemon life threw at me (being super deaf) and make lemonade (turning my hearing aids off when my kids start whining).

6. Pedro Alvarez looked in the mirror and said, “OMG. You suck. Stop it.”

Or the ghost of Robert Clemente visited him in the night and said, “OMG. You suck. Stop it. Also, give to the poor.” Because Pedro has managed to bring his hilariously atrocious, grotesquely vomitous .067 batting average up to a merely anemic, slightly putrid .156.


But seriously, he seems to have turned the bend and God I hope it’s Roberto showing him the way.

7. Two friend things for you, meaning they are about my friends who I actually used to just know virtually but now I know them well enough to call them a bitch to their faces:

  • Burgh Baby’s Getting Started with Your DSLR photography classes are still going on thanks in part to demand by Burghers interested in learning what all the buttons and doohickeys and numbers mean on their DSLRs.  As you know, I took a class and I can’t even tell you how valuable it was to me. My pictures have life now. Although I still need help getting my white balance right. That’s a killer.
  • Mindy Bakes is my new favorite recipe blog joining Burgher Michelle’s Brown Eyed Baker blog. I made this meatloaf for my family and I can’t even tell you. Best meatloaf ever. MEATLOAF! IT HAS BEER IN THE SAUCE! BEER! And she is so right about not mashing your meatloaf to death. I was totally making that mistake.

8. Dear Lukey, “doohickeys” is actually a word. I dare you to use it in a press release. Speaking of which, three times was the charm because his staff managed to finally put the correct word in the press release. Someone needs to make a shirt all “inclimate inclemate inclement!”

9. CHILLS. From Benstonium:

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10.  A little girl in Children’s Hospital, Lanie, who is fighting leukemia, and hopefully will get some smiles out of all that gaming Make Room for Kids delivered, has a wish … to meet iCarly. You can help by liking or sharing her Facebook page!

You can see that yesterday her parents almost lost her, but she fights on. Would that I could punch cancer in the throat for her.

(h/t Gina)

11. If you’re going to Saturday’s Pittsburgh Power game, be sure to let the Power know that you want your ticket proceeds donated to Team Tassy, which is the nonprofit charity chosen to benefit from this game. Tassy will even be there to do the coin toss!

I wish I could figure out how to buy tickets online, because their webpage is a giant bag of fail on that.

12. I always thought Andrew McCutchen’s hair was in braids. I never realized they were dreads. How unobservant of me. Either way, watch this. It’s kinda swoony and a bit [smolder].

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(h/t MostlyMartha on Twitter)

13. This video is raw footage of Rick Earle touring the Florida house where alleged [snort] murderer Ken Konias was captured. Start at 1:17 in and pay attention to the girl in the background. She is a superstar! Then jump to 2:28. LOL.

3:07, she blatantly eye-bangs the camera.

Get this girl a reality show.

(h/t @thisisunique)

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Criminals are criminals for a reason

Remember in grade school and junior high school when your gym teacher would make you climb that gosh darned climbing rope to see how high you could get before your hands started to bleed or your arms simply gave out and you tumbled to the mat below, landing with a thump and with fresh rope burn marks on your legs? And you would lay there on the mat, looking up at the stupid ceiling and hear your stupid teacher say, “Okay, you climbed a total of one and a half feet,” and you’d say to yourself, “When am I ever going to need to climb a rope in my life ever? That’s just stupid.”

Well, guess what? There is a time when you might need to climb a rope and that time is when you decide to go Mission Impossible on an Ambridge convenience store by lowering yourself into it via a rope after hours, landing hard on your ass before grabbing some cigarettes and probably some Ding Dongs and what not, and then trying in vain to CLIMB BACK UP THE ROPE.

You gotta go watch the video of this doofus here.

I guess our gym teachers made us climb ropes for a reason after all.

[Gasp!] You guys, does this mean I AM going to be asked to solve for X at some point in my life?!


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It’s all so clear now

Internet, look at this man:

Now, just by looking at that photo, take a guess as to what he is:

A. Serial killer

B. Amish farmer who viciously chops off others beards while they sleep

C.  Mad scientist

If you guessed C, like me, then you might be right!

“I told them I was mad scientist Jerry Wingrove and that’s who I am,” he told KDKA-TV.

I believe him. That guy has Heinz Doofenschmirtz written all over him.

“No – I didn’t go and hurt nobody,” he said. “I healed them. You know, you heal them, of course the sickness is going to come back from all the earth and planets, from the aliens and everything.”

This is so true, because every time I start to feel better, the aliens come and infect me again.

Now, my theory is that this mad scientist is the arch nemesis of Pittsburgh’s Batman, while the Rogue Tree Pruner, the Sharply Dressed Penny Thief, the One-Legged Wheelchair Bandit, the Eggnog Thief, the Soft-Spoken Robber, and the Toothless Woman are his henchpersons. I’m expecting an epic battle. This also explains why Christian Bale came back to town. Evil rang.

Now, the next question in the quiz. Where does this mad scientist reside?

A. Fayette County

B. Fayette County

C. Fayette County

You’ll never guess in a million years.

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Ding dong!

The freaky soul-sucking animatronic lottery-shilling groundhog is dead!

He is being forced to retire. Gus’ tag line was “the second most famous groundhog in Pennsylvania. “Part of the lottery’s decision was cost.The state reported it cost between $300,000 and $400,000 to produce a commercial with Gus.More recent lottery ads without Gus have been running $150,000 less.

Three to four hundred thousand dollars?! FOR AN EAGLES FAN?!

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I’m pretty sure we can get Juanita the Weasel for cheaper.

Works for me, Juanita.

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