Category Archives: Wendy Bell

My hug wish list

This is not satire. This is not a fake news story. This is not The Onion. This is REAL:

Pittsburgh, the World’s Most Huggable City

The City of Pittsburgh has  been voted the most liveable (sic) city, the top ten Best in the World for tourism among many awards  and now PositivelyPittsburghLiveMagzine.com (sic) and Pittsburgh City Council have teamed up to prove that Pittsburgh is the Most Loveable, Most Huggable City!  Using the model of the international phenomenon of the “Free Hug Campaign” PPLMag.com plans to create a spectacular event on September 6, 2012 with preview events leading up to it.   The goal is to create an event that brings attention and prominence to “Pittsburgh’s best asset, the friendliness of its citizens.”

What’s Happening When and Where!

  • February 14th Proclamation declaring September 6th as Hug-A-Thon Pittsburgh Day.  There will also be a group hug with City Council Members.
  • Hug Ambassador Events are open auditions to be huggers at the Hug-A-Thon Events of September 6th.
  • Hug Ambassador Auditions will be held in the City Council Districts of Darlene Harris, William Peduto, and Theresa Smith.
  • Hug Auditions scheduled during the months of March, May, July and August
  • Hug Ambassador Categories will include, but aren’t limited to: Best Granny Hugger, Best EMS Hugger, Best Sports Hugger, Best Entertainment and Media Hugger
The Hug Ambassador Event Winners will be determined by Facebook contributions and donations raised at the event for four area charities.  Hug Auditions are scheduled during the months of March, May, July and August.  These will be preview events to the September 6,  Hug-A-Thon Pittsburgh™
September 6, 2012 Outdoor Hug-A-Thon Pittsburgh Event and Gala

  • The outdoor event will be held in five locations in downtown Pittsburgh.  These Hug locations are the City County Building, Market Square, Katz Plaza, underneath Macy’s Clock, and the Wyndham Grand Pittsburgh Downtown.
  • Times to get a “free” hug and make your optional donations:  2:30 PM to 5:30 PM at these locations
  • There will be signage and entertainment to draw attention to the Huggers.
  • The hugs will be free.  Donations will be accepted and the donations will benefit four local charities.
  • The Presenting Sponsor is Wyndham Grand Downtown and the first official Hug-A-Thon Pittsburgh Gala will be held in the Wyndham Grand Ballroom. Celebrity Hug Stations will be set up around the room.  Celebrities will include local sports figures, media personalities, and entertainers. Local musical and variety entertainment has been engaged for both the lobby of the Wyndham Grand Pittsburgh Downtown and the ballroom from 5:30 PM to 8:30 PM.

“I am proud to be a part of this great campaign and to show how much Pittsburgh cares about its local charities.  Pittsburgh is hands-down the World’s Most Lovable City!” Bill Peduto.

Thoughts:

1. I can find the minutes to the meeting, but I cannot find any pictures of the February 14th City Council group hug session! THIS IS A FIRST-WORLD TRAVESTY! What if there is a picture of Lukey hugging Bill Peduto?!

2. I’m happy it’s for charity because otherwise this would be the most ridiculous thing since Gus the Groundhog’s birth.

3. How does one judge a hug audition? Too much squeeze? Limp squeeze? Too much breast pressure? Not enough breast pressure? Too handsy? Not handsy enough? Too much butt grabbage? Would it be like American Idol auditions? “I’ve had five-week old lettuce firmer than your hugs.” Would it be like Dirty Dancing with Johnny? “Look at your arms — Spaghetti arms. You gotta hold your frame.”

4. I miss Patrick Swayze.

5. This event is BurghBaby‘s worst nightmare. That girl HATES hugs.

6. My celebrity wish list for hugs … David Conrad, Mike Wallace, Randy Baumann, Jim Krenn, Daniel Sepulveda, AJ Burnett, Wendy Bell, Sally Wiggin, Matt Lamanna, Mike Tomlin, DAN BYLSMA, DAN BYLSMA, DAN BYLSMA, Sexhair, Sexgoal, Gina Cerilli, Elena LaQuatra, Patrick Jordan, Mario, Fort McKenry, Troysus and DAN BYLSMA.

What? Tell me you don’t believe Dan Bylsma would give the best hugs ever.

We won’t know until we try. To grab his butt.

(h/t Summer)





Random n’at

1. Each day at my son’s bus stop, which is at a stop sign, the bus sits there with its lights flashing, its stop sign out and lit, allowing kids to embark or disembark the bus.  And each day, at least two cars come down the cross street, stop at the stop sign, and roll on through.

Burghers, are you unaware that the only time you DON’T stop for a school bus which is loading or unloading children is if you are on a highway with a concrete or grass median, otherwise, YOU HAVE TO STOP?

Here’s a handy PDF to help you determine if you need to stop or not, but the easiest thing to do is realize that 99% of the time, YOU HAVE TO STOP.

Otherwise I reserve the right to keep eggs in my coat pocket and I will yolk the HELL out of your car as it rolls through the intersection.

2. I don’t care if you smoke or not, when you see a legit news headline of “Smoking Can Make Your Nipples Fall Off,” YOU CLICK THAT SHIT.

Amazing.

How’d you like to be on the operating table and your doctor says, “Crap. Her nipples are FALLING OFF! Get the leeches!”

3. If you want to know what watching Steelers games with my father is like, look no further than this episode of Pittsburgh Dad. This is my dad SO HARD.

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The only thing missing is Pittsburgh Dad calling out the exact second he believes Elvis walked out of the building.

Is my dad the only dad who does that?

Also, WTAE has an interview with Chris Preksta, and thank God they talked a bit about Mercury Men because I am DYING for season two.

4. A religious expert claims Tim Tebow is overshadowing other religious football players, like there’s a big competition among them for the giantest Jesus light or something.

I do LOVE this line from Troysus:

While Tebow, the son of missionaries, lives the evangelical Christian life, the Steelers star said in an interview that he’s cautious not to push his religious beliefs onto strangers. “It can lead to resentment, and that is not what you want,” Polamalu said. “There is also a sense of arrogance sometimes when people are really hearty, evangelizers, and that is opposite of what faith is. Like, ‘I know this better than you.’ There are a lot of pitfalls to that.”

Amen.

But seriously, I’m a PK, so I know this better than you. What’s the book after Habakkuk?!

Bzzzz. Time’s up.

Zephaniah.

[throws bible signs]

What?

(h/t LeAnnaDinardo on twitter)

5. Henne Jewelers will be placing secret Santa gifts of jewelry near popular Pittsburgh neighborhood landmarks starting this week, for a total of 20 free gifts to whoever is lucky enough to find one. Check their facebook page for more details and be sure to let them know that my front porch stoop has been determined to be a popular neighborhood landmark, by me.

6. A much different Pittsburgh shirt, Steel Town Native by Lain Lee 3, a Pittsburgh illustrator and designer currently living in California:

Pre-orders are still being taken.

7. If you aren’t aware, the on-air staff at WTAE has taken their fight for a contract through collective bargaining to social media via a twitter account and Facebook page where they recount some of the problems they face with Hearst.

Internet, I would cut a boss-bitch. Holy heck.

Vacation time is sacred to me.

Also, I’d like to teach the world the difference between its and it’s.

8. Burgh father and son Vic and Damon Kahn have launched a website dedicated to happy, good news. No Kardashians or Warlocks here! Check out Happy To Be Here!

9. Chris Hoke’s season, and possibly his career is over. At age 35. Sheesh, football is unforgiving.

10. Finally, WPXI’s See and Be Seen has an interview with Fear Factor’s/UFC’s Joe Rogan and in it he is asked about visiting Pittsburgh (start at 2:10) when he mentions he came to Pittsburgh during the “Furry Convention” and what follows is a lovely awkward exchange as both the reporter and Joe have a pregnant pause and then attempt to remain tactful, calling the Furries “interesting” and “enlightening” while their faces both say “WTF IS THIS MADNESS!?!”

Love it!





STUFF STUFF STUFF!

My life is busy lately and today I got to spend the day at the restaurant hunting down receipts from December of 2010 for the insurance company because we are STILL not out of the insurance phase of that pesky jerkface fire that I’ve now named Satan Beelzebub Fiery Evil Devil de Damien the Antichrist.

It rings. But its business card is HUGE.

This is like Random n’at, but quicker. Snappy. Here we go!

1. Mike Tomlin hung up on some reporters and rightly so because they clearly don’t know how to let go of the past, writes the girl who still retches when she hears the name Sid Bream.

2. Sid has been cleared for contact. Hossana in the highest, n’at! I hope they make him wear a giant Styrofoam helmet during practices. Also, from now on, two shots for every time Sid, a Pens rep, or Sid’s doctor says, “there is no timetable for his return.”

3. Troysus is the nicest NFL player, officially. I wonder if anyone thought they were voting for “Best Hair” or “Prayiest.”

4. The Pittsburgh Power still exist as do their dance team The Sparks. If you want to be a Spark, bust out your athletic bra. No. Really. That is the recommended attire for auditioning. Men, there is nothing that says only women can try out. You know what to do. Send me video.

5. This story is a billion times funnier when you replace crows with cows, as my brain did during the first read-through. “[BOOOOOOM!]  MOO?!!?!???”

6. School children created life-sized artwork of WTAE anchors.

7. The paparazzi continue to stalk Suri Cruise through the Burgh, because they are giant jerkfaces.

8. Man poses as monster to propose to girlfriend in the ScareHouse. SPOOOOOOOKY.

9. Primanti’s is a finalist for Men’s Health‘s Manliest Restaurant contest. MEAT. FRIES. CABBAGE. BREAD. AROOOOOO! It’s all fun and testosterone until the major heart event.

10. Squirrel and goat heads found in an illegal slaughterhouse. Dear God, please don’t let this guy own a Chinese restaurant. Also, is it considered a “slaughterhouse” when you’re just killing pigeons? I’m asking for a friend.

Okay, you go read all that stuff stuff stuff while I work on a post about Quidam’s Pittsburgh connection, the alligator in the Beaver Run Reservoir, and then I’m probably going to bug you a bit about getting your Crazy Scary ticket!

You’ve been warned.





Random n’at

1. One of my tasks as a restaurant widow is that despite being the parent with the lesser math skills, I am the one who has to help my third-grader with his math homework each night.

I’m not going to lie. Third grade math trips me up sometimes. I mean, seriously, what the hell even are compatible numbers? I shouldn’t have to use Google to help a third-grader with a math worksheet!

Then last night this was a question:

“Becky says that 65+28 equals 83. Is Becky’s answer reasonable?”

[blink]

I don’t know, but I tell you this, Becky’s answer is WRONG.

We put that her answer was unreasonable. I really hope that’s the right answer. If his teacher says it’s the wrong answer, I’m going to send her an email all, “BUT IS IT A REASONABLE ANSWER?!”

Stupid third-grade math making me bitchy with the teacher.

2. Owl-O-Ween at the National Aviary is happening on October 22. Sounds spooooooky.

Also, number of times I have moaned “spooooooky” to my kids since October 1: 922

Also also, here’s an owl flying in slow-motion toward a camera. It wants to eat your soul.

Nature is spoooooooooky.

(h/t my Dad)

3. I LOVE THIS SO MUCH! A spoof of the Family Matters theme only it is called Steeler Matters!

I loved everything until :47 in when I screamed, “SON OF A BITCH!” I had forgotten how stabby it made me when Lukey did that.

But then I got to 1:05 and I fell down laughing.

BRAVO!

Also, if you don’t spend the rest of the day with that song stuck in your head, you’re stronger than me.

I guess it could be worse. I could have the Full House song stuck in my head.

DAMN IT.

(h/t Lynnetta)

4. There is now an officially licensed Terrible Towel skirt made from actual Terrible Towels. For only FIFTY DOLLARS!!!!!11111

I am speechless.

Now, this is not my cup of tea, but it is fine if it is your cup of tea.

I will say this. This is some serious ammunition for GQ to put us up from the #3 worst-dressed city next year. Movin’ on up!

(h/t Amy)

5. I can’t yet share with you my sister Tina Fey’s childrearing blog because she will kill me but, OMG HILARIOUS SHIT! She is pretty much ruled by her two-year-old hellion who I love more than cookie dough.

She did start a second blog to document a recent hideous haircut and her attempt to grow it out with some pill she’s taking that might give her a beard, hoping to make it look good within a year’s time. I think her hair looks adorable. She wants to shave her head. Whatevs.

Also, the reason I can share the blog with you is because I DIDN’T BOTHER TO ASK HER IF I COULD.  See, I learned my lesson. Don’t ask permission. Ask forgiveness and hide the pointy things.

Anyway, “A Year in the Life of An Epically Ugly Haircut.”

6. CRAZY SCARY TICKETS!

Get them before they are gone. We are going to have so much fun and eat so much food and drink Zombitinis and play games and walk the ScareHouse if we’re brave and we’re doing it for SICK KIDS!

If you’re scared, you can either not walk the ScareHouse and just enjoy the fun, or you can ask me to walk through with you and I will hold your hand and tell you when to brace yourself and cover your BRAINZZZZZ.

7. I have a new post up at the magazine, this one about a local company that created an iPad app that allows you to make your own jewelry with an easy drag and drop interface.

You have got to go check it out, Wendy Bell!

Also, I love how the editor Sean Conboy finds the most hilarious videos to include with my posts. Emeril Lagasse makes me giggle.

BAM!

8. IT’S A HOCKEY NIGHT IN PITTSBURGH!

9. Finally, whatever happened to predictability?

HAHA! SUCKER!





Random n’at.

1. When I was a kid, my mother would wake me up for school and the second my butt was out of bed (after several angry words from her about missing the bus), she would make the bed, thus preventing me from crawling back into bed and catching ten more minutes of sleep. She was evil like that.

Now, as a mom, I do the same thing to my son and I realize my mother isn’t evil. She’s an EVIL GENIUS.

It’s the circle of life. Mwah-haha!

2. If you need ANOTHER reason to love Mister Rogers like he’s your dad, check out this 1990 letter exchange between him and a young viewer and the viewer’s father.

Also be sure to watch this video of Fred Rogers testifying to the Senate in 1969 in support of public broadcasting.

(h/t Charles and Karen)

3.  Speaking of Mister Rogers, LOVE this necklace:

 

It’s true, because it’s true.

4. If you’re a fan of stand-up comedy (and, heck, I AM. SILENCE! I keeeeel you.), you’ll want to check out The Pittsburgh Comedy website, which gives you info about local open mic nights, shows with local comedians, improv shows, links to various comedians’ websites, information on comedians who are coming to town, etc.

Check it out, Wendy Bell!

5. Roberto Clemente the MUSICAL will be staged next month in New York City.

THE MUSICAL.

(h/t Al)

6. I’ve been dying to see a picture of The Milk Truck, the mobile breastfeeding station designed to rescue Pittsburgh mothers with no comfortable place to feed their babies.

Here it is!

Man, this would have come in handy that time at my grandmother’s funeral where I was wedged with my baby in an awkward position in a tiny church bathroom stall because I wore a dress with no easy access to the boobage, meaning I couldn’t just throw a blanket over the baby and really, eating under a blanket doesn’t sound very fun.

Breastfeeding is hard if you’re not a granola person willing to whip it out anywhere.

I’m not a granola person. I’m a Cap’n Crunch Berries person.

(h/t Dan)

7. Flash mobs are kind of old news, but that doesn’t stop this one at Disney from being RIDICULOUSLY AWESOME. And he’s wearing a Buccos cap to boot.

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The dancing is phenomenal.

(h/t Heather)

8. Can’t remember if I shared these Burgh shirts with you.

I also can’t remember where I put my Werther’s.

9. My Pittsburgh Magazine tattoo post is up and you must go check out the gallery of awesome Burgh tattoos like this one:

Is that not stunning?!

10. Finally, if you haven’t heard THE Geno Malkin is on Twitter now.

Here’s how Mike, The Knitting Lady’s husband, envisions it:

LOL ))))))))))))))).