Lexicon

Annoying Burgher: This is the label I’ll occasionally bestow upon that Burgher who has managed to do something or say something so ludicrous that I have no choice but to mail them a “crown” that is usually just a bag of flaming poo.

The Asshat: Santonio Holmes, the immature, loser, babymama-beating, driving while pot-smoking former wide-receiver for the Pittsburgh Steelers. We’ve all seen him naked now. Un-seeing is not an option.

Baby Face: See Lukey

BLLLLLLLLLLLL: This is me imitating my eyes blinking so fast and furiously because of something so ridiculous that it makes me all [blink] [blink blink] [blink blink blink] BLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!  Here’s the first time I used it when I saw how expensive avocados are at Giant Eagle.

Bloop-bloop-bloop: This is me imitating my Tivo’s fast-forward blooping sound. That means if you don’t like what I’m discussing, just bloop on down to the next post.

The Buccos of Suckitude: The Pittsburgh Pirates and their 19-year-old special brand of baseball suck.

Burgher: Anyone who lives in or who has ever lived in, near, or around the city of Pittsburgh. Being a Burgher is a state of mind. It has nothing to do with real estate.

The Butler: See “Woy.”

Cabbage Patch Baby Cici Donna: Steeler Casey Hampton. ‘Cause he looks like a Cabbage Patch Doll.  I tend to work the word fluffernutter into any post about him.

The Chief of Making Shit Up: Dick Skrinjar, the former Press Secretary for the Mayor. Now wallowing in the Shuffleboard and Mothballs Office.

Choke-A-Bitch: My roller derby name if I was ever brave enough to try roller derby.

Choke-A-Bitch-ocrat: Abbreviated as CAB and trademarked by reader Magnus Patris. My official political party when I run for Mayor. Campaign slogan: Mwah-hahahaha!

Clowns, scientologists, Dead-Eyed Dolls, Howler Monkeys, Cats, “The Unknown”: Things that I am afraid of.

The Defecator: Najeh Davenport, former Steelers running back, so named for his penchant for pooping in closets.

Ding!: This term is mostly used to mark the occasion when I or someone else uses the word “shat.” Shat is a great word, most famously used by T&A in this post.

Dirty Bow-Chicka-Bow: Sex.

Donkey Omelets: Balls.

The Dread Lord Zober: Yarone Zober, the Mayor’s chief of staff.  He destroys people, y’all!

The Duke of Fug and The Earl of Gross: “The Duke” for short, Steelers quarterback, champion-drinker, lesbian action-loving, non-helmet-wearing, twice accused alleged sexual-assaulter Ben Roethlisberger. This name was inspired by his very own minions. It began as The Earl of Fug and the Duke of Gross and somewhere along the line, I got mixed up. We’re sticking with The Duke of Fug and The Earl of Gross.

Foul Dwarf: See Skippy Skeeve.

The Fug Bunnies: Another name for The Duke’s minions.  Trademarked by PittCheMBA.

The Giantest Vacuum of Suck EVER!: Steely Frickin’ McBeam.

Ken Rice: Not me.  Was never me.  But a long time before I revealed my identity, people thought he was me.  Or I was him. Or whatever.  You know.

King Kong: UPMC. That beast.

The Luke Ravenstahl Move Forward Drinking Game: It’s fun. Here are the rules. Here’s where we began. Arriba!

Lukey: Mayor Luke Ravenstahl. He’s like, important and stuff. He likes to throw around phrases like “certainly” and “myself and other individuals” and “Hizzoner Master Lukey in da house!” and “Ethics? WTF are ethics?”

Pigeons: An evil scourge placed on the Earth by Satan before time began. My life goal is to eradicate the pigeon from existence, PETA be damned. Here’s where it began for me. I kick pigeons every chance I get.

Self-United Husbands: It’s legal to self-unite in marriage in the great state of PA, so I went ahead and united myself to David Conrad, Matt Lamanna, Daniel Sepulveda and Joe Manganiello. Step off.  I was briefly self-united to Pirate Doug Mientkiewicz, but he’s no longer a Pirate, so I self-divorced him.

Skippy Skeeve: Jeff Reed, the pubic hair-flashing, slut-loving, paper-towel dispenser beating, public-drunkenness arrested, all around nasty fairy princess who was the kicker for the Pittsburgh Steelers. He makes it his life’s goal to look as ridiculous as possible at all times.

Smokin’ Hot Burgher: A Burgher who has transcended regular hot and has officially been branded to be smokin’ by me. It’s a very exclusive club. Meetings usually begin with Daniel Sepulveda taking his shirt off. Holla.

Stalk-O-Meter: My imaginary machine that I regularly calibrate when there is a celebrity in town. My default setting is Stun and Self-Unite.

That’s Church: It is so. It is true. It is not a lie. It is church. Stolen from Snoop Dogg in a Monk episode and brought to my attention by my sister Tina Fey/Marcia.  Is the name that took over for The Burgh Blog upon my return to blogging.

Troysus: Troy Polamalu. Because he’s like the closest thing to Jesus. He heals people, y’all.

Thugalicious: I’m not really sure what this means, but I use it to mean fly, awesome, cool, hip, happening, fierce, or any other number of words that could be replaced with kickass.

What The Effies: Kind of like WTF?, but used to describe those particularly batshit crazy CraigsList posters. Stay away from that What The Effie. He will totes cook you and eat you.

Woy: This is my friend who is also my “butler” as he was branded during my anonymous days. The keeper of the technological doohickeys and code that keep my site running. You might also see him referred to as “Woycheck” or “Mike” or “The Godfather of Social Media.” My goal in life is to get him to say, “Wouldst madame care for a spot of tea?”