Lexicon

Pigeons: An evil scourge placed on the Earth by Satan before time began. My life goal is to eradicate the pigeon from existence, PETA be damned. Here’s where it began for me. I kick pigeons every chance I get.

Self-United Husbands: It’s legal to self-unite in marriage in the great state of PA, so I went ahead and united myself to David Conrad, Matt Lamanna, Daniel Sepulveda and Joe Manganiello. Step off.  I was briefly self-united to Pirate Doug Mientkiewicz, but he’s no longer a Pirate, so I self-divorced him.

Skippy Skeeve: Jeff Reed, the pubic hair-flashing, slut-loving, paper-towel dispenser beating, public-drunkenness arrested, all around nasty fairy princess who was the kicker for the Pittsburgh Steelers. He makes it his life’s goal to look as ridiculous as possible at all times.

Smokin’ Hot Burgher: A Burgher who has transcended regular hot and has officially been branded to be smokin’ by me. It’s a very exclusive club. Meetings usually begin with Daniel Sepulveda taking his shirt off. Holla.

Stalk-O-Meter: My imaginary machine that I regularly calibrate when there is a celebrity in town. My default setting is Stun and Self-Unite.

That’s Church: It is so. It is true. It is not a lie. It is church. Stolen from Snoop Dogg in a Monk episode and brought to my attention by my sister Tina Fey/Marcia.  Is the name that took over for The Burgh Blog upon my return to blogging.

Troysus: Troy Polamalu. Because he’s like the closest thing to Jesus. He heals people, y’all.

Thugalicious: I’m not really sure what this means, but I use it to mean fly, awesome, cool, hip, happening, fierce, or any other number of words that could be replaced with kickass.

What The Effies: Kind of like WTF?, but used to describe those particularly batshit crazy CraigsList posters. Stay away from that What The Effie. He will totes cook you and eat you.

Woy: This is my friend who is also my “butler” as he was branded during my anonymous days. The keeper of the technological doohickeys and code that keep my site running. You might also see him referred to as “Woycheck” or “Mike” or “The Godfather of Social Media.” My goal in life is to get him to say, “Wouldst madame care for a spot of tea?”

 

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