Dan Majors has a good job.

Dan Majors, of the PG got paid to get shaved and then felt up by “experts” … for a whole day.

The straight-edge razor versus the five-blade, 12-dollar, battery-powered, 70-patent-holding machine of death … er, razor. The “experts” that he visited throughout the day included a make-up artist, a cosmetologist, and “Fantasy,” the most unoriginal-stripper-named-stripper ever.

Some lines I never ever thought I would read in the Post-Gazette:

  • “This side’s softer,” Miss Fantasy said of the Fusion side of my face. Then she did what she called “the dancer thing,” which involves brushing my cheeks with hers. “Cheeks are really important when you’re dancing for customers,” she said. “Because you rub up on customers, and if they’re all scruffly, they hurt you. A smooth shave is much better.”
  • And she once shaved a man’s head on the stage of Heinz Hall during a performance by the symphony.
  • “It’s very comparable,” she said after feeling my cheek. “But not quite as smooth and soft as a baby’s bottom.”

I need a job like that. Someone paying me to shave my legs and then spend the whole day having people feel my legs. Dan Majors, you lucky bastard. I would also like to volunteer Bruce Gradkowski, David Conrad, and Matt Lamanna to be the “experts.”

And Miss Fantasy … IF that is your real name. Scruffly? Not a word.

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