Category Archives: Yarone Zober

Then the porkers took flight.


Yesterday was … weird.

I’ve been busting my adorable jiggly ass to get this $10,000 raised for the kids at Children’s Hospital, so I’m constantly tweeting and Facebooking and social-media-ing like a 15-year-old Belieber.

Also, the word Belieber makes me want to kill things.

Hide your pigeons, Mike Tyson.

Anyway, you know that instead of writing “Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?” for years now I’ve written, “Anyone? Anyone? Zober?” because I like to pick on the Dread Lord Zober because I do not fear his mystical powers of darkness and destruction. Much.

So last night, this happened.

And I was flabbergasted. The Dread Lord … giving his cash to the sick kids.

But would Lukey follow suit?

Brace yourselves:

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I died so hard I couldn’t even capitalize the i in “i just died.”

Either we’ve stumbled into some weird alternate universe, or this snow really is making everyone batshit crazy.

The Dread Lord, the wizard of doom, donated. Luke Ravenstahl, my sworn enemy — the Joker to my Batman, the Swiper to my Dora, the Newman to my Seinfeld, is donating. At this point, I wouldn’t  be surprised if a pigeon tried to Paypal me some stale french fries or something.

Maybe you too want to throw a few bucks into the pot so we can give these suffering kids a bit of fun and diversion to help along their healing process?

Click the “Donate” button to donate directly into the Mario Lemieux Foundation account. Every little bit helps!

I love you guys.


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Random n’at


1. If you haven’t yet, please scroll down or click here to see pictures of the $20,000 in technology upgrades we dropped off and installed at The Children’s Home of Pittsburgh this week.

2. Reader Kathleen is running the Pittsburgh 1/2 Marathon for Genre’s Kids With Cancer Fund.

If you’re looking for a charitable place to spread some good karma today, go throw in a few dollars for her? She only needs about $240 more to reach her goal!

For sick kids!

3. The Bucs are in second place. Half game out of first. They’ve won 12 of their last 16, I think. The best team in baseball, Atlanta, has only lost 6 games all season, and three of those were to the Pirates.


4.  Did you know you can buy Yinzer Bingo at Wildcard and another store that sells them, but I lost the name? There’s a K in the name? Anyone? Anyone? Zober?

Regardless, LOOK!



These are created by John the Craftist, who is actually a woman. Look at some of the other amazing stuff she creates, many of which are greeting cards:






I’m kind of in love with all of this and I wonder if there’s a Gemini one that says, “Witty. Passionate. Batshit Crazy.”

Anyway, I’ll be in Wildcard very soon to buy all the things.

5. Pigeons are assholes. And they smoke too. Look at this news photo from a 1989 edition of the Post-Gazette.

Click to embiggen and then read the caption.

The Pittsburgh Press   Google News Archive Search

Unreal. If today’s pigeons get wind of this, it is going to RAIN FIRE.

(h/t Jerry)

6. If you’re around Market Square next Friday morning …

Light of Life Rescue Mission is presenting former MLB player Sean Casey with the 3rd annual Locker Room Leadership Award at 9:30 a.m.  Sean is a former all-star baseball player for the Pittsburgh Pirates, Cincinnati Reds, Detroit Tigers, Boston Red Sox, and Cleveland Indians. Dennis Bowman will emcee, introducing former Steelers Tunch Ilkin and Craig Wolfley who will present Sean with the award.

I’ll be there hanging out for sure. Sean does amazing things for the homeless via Light of Life.

7. This is old, but shut up.

Pittsburgh leads the nation in people moving in.

Suck it, Portland.

8. Giant Eagle is grocery store Big Brother?

Also, people are STILL commenting on my pharmacy rant. My God.

9. Lukey went AWOL, said he never left the city, but apparently his press secretary thought he went to Bradenton at one point. 

That sounds right.

10. Pretty sure the P-G is going to endorse Wagner after reading this article. Why? Just scroll down and read the comment left by Matt Barron. The P-G very conveniently left out some HUGE names that endorsed Bill Peduto yesterday. 

[golf clap]

11. Headline: “Penguins Drop Second Straight.”


Seriously. Two losses in a row. NBD.

12. The fountain is almost ready to go!

Here’s an image from today via Point Park TV’s twitter account:


Cannot wait until I can take my kids for a stroll around the fountain again.


Also unreal? That WTAE used FOUR anchors to intro it. Hah!

But seriously … amazing video.

14. Mother’s Day!

I wrote about Pittsburgh Moms for the May magazine edition. A snippet:

Our conversations about the latest episode of “Greatest American Hero” turned to hushed whispers. There was no whining about elbows in ribs or bothersome jelly-shoe blisters. While we painfully swallowed our sneezes, our mom drove with her chin hovering 3 inches above the steering wheel and her hands locked in a death-grip. She’d hold this position until the wagon was safely parked — which is when she’d exhale and revoke the sacred Writ of Silentium Absolutus.

I didn’t appreciate it then, but I can see it now for what it was: My mother was doing something far outside of her comfort zone so that her girls could have nice clothes (that didn’t scream, “Five kids. One job. Hills is where the toys are.”).

And I also put together a Burghy Mother’s Day gift guide for you. Everything from Burgh-made jewelry, to an awesome Pirates iPhone case, to BYOB painting classes where Mom can paint her own Pittsburgh skyline, and LOTS more.

I mean, the Confluence necklace pictured up top of this post? Holy moly.

Check all the gift suggestions out here.

15. Finally, your amazing tweets:



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Random n’at

1. I just read all of my Post-Gazettes from last Wednesday to yesterday, so this post is going to be BIZZONKERS!

You’ve been warned.

2. Yesterday at church I learned about Mephibosheth and I tell you this so you understand that Mephibosheth would make a kickass Amish rock band name. First single — “I don’t need no electricity, ’cause baby you light my fire.”

3. Bizzonkers is the new cray-cray.

[throws signs]

4. This past weekend, Joe Paterno died on Twitter and then he died in real life 18 hours later.

It’s true — I will never ever ever understand what it’s like to be a Penn Stater, and I’ll never understand that kind of devotion to a football coach, and I’ll never understand why Sandusky wasn’t stopped a decade sooner, but I understand loss, so I’ll just say my condolences to those who love him.

5. Geno is beast. Beast. Sexy beast. He gets hotter with every goal he scores and every game he saves and if he wins three more games for us I am going to go all [BEWBS] like never before and nickname him Sexgoal.

Also, Mikey and BigBob found this sweet shirt:

It is score.

6.Well, it is official. Jimmy Krenn is out at DVE and Scott Paulsen is back in a partial fashion.

Hopefully this leads to exciting things for Jim.

7. Snow, ice, rain, sun, warmth, snot-freezing cold. We’ve had it all in the space of three days and this Zits cartoon really got it right.

Next time a storm is rolling in, I dare Demetrius Ivory or Scott Harbaugh to be all, “Well, prepare to get a giant painful wedgie courtesy of Mother Nature this weekend.”

8. I love trivia. Trivial Pursuit is kinda my bitch and I used to love playing trivia at Bud Murphy’s in Connellsville. If you love trivia, put a team of co-workers together and have your company enroll you in the Greater Pittsburgh Literacy Council Trivia Bowl! 

Show your smarts for a good cause!

9. A PAT driver left his seat at the wheel and assaulted a rider for apparently no reason while the bus was in motion, lied about it, got busted by surveillance video, and has remained on the job since that January 8 incident,  while the Port Authority plans a hearing to determine if disciplinary action is warranted.

Hey, one of you go punch one of your customer’s lights out, get it on video, lie about it and let me know if you still have your job in two weeks. KTHXBAI.

10. February 10 and 11 is the second annual Chachi Plays for Kids marathon during which Anthony “Chachi” Walker will play video games at the Toonseum for 24 straight hours to benefit the Toonseum and the Father Ryan Arts Center.  Chachi picks a new charity each year and raised money for Make Room for Kids last year. This year I’m honored Anthony asked me to take the first slot at 7:00 p.m. on February 10 for a rematch of Mario Kart.

If Trivial Pursuit is my bitch, Mario Kart is my super-bitch sisterwife.  Chachi is going to be spending an hour slipping on my banana peels. That’s not a euphemism.

You can donate here!

11. Mayor Lukey’s Tim Tebow jersey, autographed by Mayor Lukey — NOT TIM TEBOW, sold for $1,400 on eBay.

I have a suspicion the Dread Lord Zober won it and is either using it as a Lukey voodoo doll all STAB DIE STAB, or is holding it to his face every chance he gets to breathe in the sweet sweet smell of his hizzoner master. Either or.

12. Finally, the Pittsburgh Google office was named one of the 15 coolest offices in technology by Business Insider. I had toured Google’s old site, which was mind blowing (HELLO, FREAKING DESSERT FREAKING BAR FREAKING), so I need to go right now and bug some Google peeps about a tour of this new site.


(h/t James, who pointed out that they missed the fact that the catwalk pays homage to the Smithfield Street Bridge.)

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A prayerful moment.

Luke Steelerstahl does the Tebow to pay back a bet to Denver’s mayor:

Oh, to be on the inside of Lukey’s brain during prayer:

“… And make me mayor for life and please make Ben ask me to join him on the next Benapalooza and please make Anne Hathaway return my phone calls and please have Tom Cruise accept my offer to have dinner at his place and please let me find a sweet dime-piece shorty the next time I’m blowin’ up the South Side and please show me who has been stealing my juice boxes out of the fridge at work and please help me decide on my DJ name. Hizzoner Master Lil Lukey Ray Ray is nice, but Hizzy L Rave is kinda nice too and please make the Dread Lord stop scaring me with his freaky cackling and please let me win Go Fish next time and …”

Yes, in my mind, Mayor Luke is somewhere between a child and a really white rapper.

[throws signs]

Stupid Steelers.

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These are our leaders

(Image from Facebook)

Scott Kunka is Mayor Snoop Lukey Luke’s director of the Office of Management and the budget director of the Finance Department. I have long pronounced his name as Kuhn-kah.  It looks like kuhn-kah.  Like funk or junk. Kunk. A.

Apparently, his Ukranian heritage means it is actually pronounced KOON-KAH.

Who knew?

Anyway, I guess one too many times after hearing his name mispronounced by City Council President Darlene Harris during meetings, Scott KOON-KAH fired off this email to Darlene Harris, all of city council, The Dread Lord Zober, and others.

Marty Griffin read this email on air and I obtained a copy from NONE OF YA’ DAMN BUSINESS is her/his name.

—–Original Message—–
From: Kunka, Scott
Sent: Thu 9/15/2011 9:31 AM
To: Harris, Darlene
Cc: City Council Members; Qureshi, Cathy; Mazefsky, Gabe; Zober, Yarone; Osterman, Kim
Subject: Ethnic Mocking?

Councilperson Harris,

I have come to expect your hostility and attempts at bullying when I come to the Council table.  Though I often silently recoil at the insolence you so clearly have for me, my staff, your own colleagues, and the venue of City Council itself, I am strong enough to take it.

However, I am drawing a line at your mocking of my last name. Though par for the course, it was appalling to me, my family, friends and colleagues.

To repeatedly do so in public and on television is absolutely gratuitous and disrespectful to my family name. My late father was a proud American and equally as proud of his Ukrainian heritage. That you have insulted his memory is unforgiveable.

Some might think it rose to the level of ethnic harassment. Aren’t we beyond the days of disparaging people whose last name ends in a vowel?  It makes me wonder what other ethnic hostilities you harbor beneath your thin public veneer.

I have the right, and demand that you pronounce my name correctly, and without sarcasm. Or if you are unable or unwilling to do so, please refer to me as Director in the future.


No, Internet, this is not a joke email. This is a real email sent within the City of Pittsburgh’s high-level administration. Why do I share this with you?

Because I hate Scott KOON-KAH, The Director?  Not at all. I don’t know him from Gabe Mazefsky.

I share it with you for several reasons:

1. If mispronouncing a last name is “ethnic harassment,” I’d like to publicly apologize to Zach Galifianakis. Or as I call him Zach Gale-ee-fie-A-nah-KISS. Sorry, bro.

2. I feel kind of stupid and diversity-etiquette-challenged that I wasn’t aware that a name ending in a vowel meant it was a more ethnic last name than those ending in a consonant. Did you know that?! But then again, my last name ends with a Z from a Mexican family name and my maiden name ended with a D for a Syrian name. SO I DON’T EVEN KNOW NOW! Just to be safe, I’m sorry Dan On-oh-rate-oh! I think I need to take one of those diversity sensitivity classes that some corporations offer. I’ll hug it out with all the people whose names I’ve botched the pronunciation of. We’ll cry. We’ll forgive. We’ll move forward. (ding!)

3. Do you realize, Internet, how awful the city administrators’ relationships among each other are if one member is so suspicious and wary of another that he views the mispronunciation of his last name as ethnic harassment to the point that he would email this ridiculousness to everyone and their mother to make the complaint?!

4. The Director, however, in this email, does sound like he’s a few french fries short of a steak salad, if ya knowwhaimeen.

5. Pro tip: NEVER ever ever send this kind of message via email to a bunch of city council people, some of whom don’t even like you, and certainly not to the The Dread Lord himself, who I hope has more important things to deal with like slowly stroking his evil cat (that’s not a euphemism), because the Internet is FOREVER and bloggers like me will put that ridiculousness out there for everyone to read and point at and laugh at and to say to themselves, ARE WE PAYING FOR THIS SHIT?!

Best to just etch the message in goat blood on her office walls next time, Director.

6. From now on, everyone, everywhere, in all things, shall refer to Scott Kunka as The Director.

It is now so.


That is church.

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